


A one way ticket to you

by orphan_account



Category: Daft Punk
Genre: Cute, Horse Club AU, Love, M/M, Nature, Sex, Summer Love, Teens love, daft punk - Freeform, horse, horse riding AU, ranch au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-14
Updated: 2015-11-04
Packaged: 2018-02-04 13:59:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 39,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1781578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hello, my name is Guy-Manuel. This is my diary. Which tells how, I wanted to leave everything behind and go to Paris for a riding club, ranch and farm in Boutigny Sur Essonne. I knew the ticket without return led me to something new, but to a new love and especially a new friend on all fours with which I would make a competition riding, not really.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. At Gate 22  to Boutigny-Sur-Essonne

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was listenning to gate 22 by Pascale Picard and then this vision of horses AU kicked my ass off reality and dive me in an Equitarian and Ranch AU .  
> Hope you'll like it - enjoy :)

Hello, my name is Guy-Manuel. This is my diary. Which tells how, I wanted to leave everything behind and go to Paris for a riding club, ranch and farm in Boutigny Sur Essonne. I knew the ticket without return led me to something new, but to a new love and especially a new friend on all fours with which I would make a competition riding, not really. So it all started this day , it was the June 8th , I was 19 years old. 20 maybe. I did not remember.  I asked Thomas for the details but what you'll read is my version ; I wrote our story because I don't want to forget . So here  you go . 

I so wanted to stay. But between her and me it was over. Nothing to keep me in Paris, I had finished school and around here I was just doing wasting my time. It was not his fault. Nor mine. It was time to finally remove the cobs of passion, each seed like a dandelion and the seeds fly away in the wind in a unfruitful field … But it hurts so much , but I’m leaving here. Here I am . Gate 22 . At the Paris Gare de Lyon train station I really wish I could stay but I can’t .

I put my bags on the bench . I waited . The train leaves at 9:00 o clock. To Paris suburbs and country side. I found a summer job in a Farm and Ranch , the Bangalter’s farms and equestrian club , in Boutigny-Sur-Essonne , a small commune of like 3000 persons , with old monuments , and a lots of fields and green lands . It was only at one hour out  of Paris in the SNCF train from my station but apparently , it’s so rural that you can easily forget it’s a suburb.. This is where I go for now , after I’ll decide. I look at the station ; it’s so  big , filled with people that walks everywhere. We can hear conversations , we can hear the controllers screaming , we can hear the sound of the trains that come and go . The  station is beautiful ; we can see great windows in a green jade shade , everything is made of black old iron that remind the Paris  industrial revolution in the XIX . All is antique , you can see an old clock like in Peter Pan ; the rock is old there  , it’s grey and all dusty , if I touch the walls I’m afraid they’d collapsed , too old to stay still . It’s so beautiful . The train stations are like time catchers ; they capture history in their architecture  and resist and stay still  , no matter how much longer we use them , they never change and stay old , rustic , antique ; a figure of golden days that are passed and long gone. I smile and I look at the line for the next train I am in . The travelers are waiting to buy their tickets , like me , who is waiting to escape from my old life. I want to be free , to travel everywhere. I need to find who I am. No matter where I go I know my parents , my family , sure will stay like memories at gate 22. But it hurts to leave because you tried , but it never works ; I guess it’s just the time that it was the time.  My broken hearts leaves  Elizabeth with a douche bag , the one she wanted since so long. I remember how she called my name when I walked away of her house . ‘’Guy-Manuel , no wait please , stay . ‘’

One thing is sure . I won’t come back as long as long as I don’t feel better. As long as I don’t know who I am. Because something inside tells me I can be happy. But for that I need to go beyond  what I thought was real. What I thought was right. To go to somewhere I belong , outside of Paris. Sure I’ll miss Paris , the nightlife , the Djying , the clubs , the rave . But I need a getaway. A long getaway. I don’t really know where I’m going. I have to be independent. But I feel so insecure. Because life was easy when everything is easy to be done , when it’s easy to gain or have anything. I had money , I had sex ,I had love ( well a fake love , actually) but I always needed more. So here I am , leaving this world of accessibility that tells you to feel good  with money , to feel good with sex and drugs and fame and glitters ; that’s not what I want…or maybe that was not what I needed after all.

Now I am staring at the couple kissing at the gate  , before leaving. I need to buy my ticket .

‘’Sir , sir , excuse me ? ‘’ called the ticket officer , dragging me off my mind .

‘’Oh sorry , monsieur . Here ‘’ I handed a couple of Euros on the counter  . The man in pastel blue uniform, behind the grille grabbed it, pointing me a blackboard with the arrivals and departures of trains.  I looked at all the names , but I knew where I was going .

'' A one way ticket direction Malsherbes –Villiers for Boutigny station.''

The officer nod and smile at me .  He stares at me with nostalgia, maybe he is regretting the time he didn’t take to fly away in his young days , to explore the world . I take my ticket  , I have it , this is my chance , my new beginnings  that is starting there , at the Gate 22 of the Train 9983 in direction of Malsherbes-Villiers. I’m heading to Boutigny , to the Bangalter’s  horse riding club and farm , but I’ll mainly do the horse riding job , whatever they’ll ask , I’ll fucking do it , as long as I am far , far away from Paris . I don’t give a fuck  now , fuck off , I’m young. I decided to run away , anyway , do I got money ? Not really . Do I really needed to stay? Guess no , since she cheated on me and then went back saying things like : ‘’Oh mon dieuuuu mon chéériiii forgive me , I still love you , come back I miss you. ‘’ Ya know. Bitches, just bitches. Whatever, now it’s all gone , forever , behind me , like a dust in a wind. And I’m going to this horse riding ranch and farm , what so ever , to kill myself to work since she killed me and since life there killed me. As they told me , they have a son of my age that was doing the job also , and even ride horses but I’ll help in the stall of the horses , I’ll do all the dirty tasks , all the boy farm job . I don’t care if I’m just  a boy farm , cleaning all the shits of animals , doing maintenance jobs  ;  I’m strong and if I’m not , then I’ll be stronger . As long as I loose myself enough to find me again. I don’t know where I’m going , what will happen , if it will works , but I’ll know I’ll find myself. Yes I know myself.

Here they call for my departure. My train . I walk with my bags and  I wait for the controller to check my tickets at the entrance of the train. It’s ok. I walk in  and find a pretty nice empty seat near a window. I put my bags down between my legs . Just a school  bag fill with only what is necessary . The rest doesn’t matter . I look outside as the train is filled slowly with other passenger. Then I hear the doors closing in steam sound. I look at the passengers around me that are in an individual moment , only worrying about what they thinks and do to waist the time. I smile and look at the letter Mr. Bangalter sent me , with the address of their house , farm and ranch in Boutigny. I put it in my jeans . We are in summer. The train just left the station , taking me away from my old days. I just want to forget everything for a while. I’ll send postcards to my family  , but for now on , Guy-Manuel doesn’t exist anymore for Paris. Country side here I go …

***

One hour later , the train is finally at Boutigny-Sur-Essonne.  Apparently someone would be waiting for me there to show me the way to the  horse riding club.

I go off the train , looking at it go away , leaving me on the platform of Boutigny’s station. I look around me , my school bag on my back . There are absolutely no body. Damn , it really is rural. I’ve never seen so much flowers , grass , tress and what so ever .  I look up and this is when I saw him for the first time . He was tall and bony . His hair were brown and curly   , his eyes were like two hazelnut filled with lights . He  was wearing a jeans , cow boys boots and  a random t-shirt. He was walking in my direction  and I knew it was Thomas , the son of the Bangalter’s .

‘’Are you Guy-Manuel de Homem Christo ? ‘’ he says , smiling like an idiot.

‘’Uh…yes , I guess . ‘’ I replied cold and fathomless

‘’Well , I-I’m T-Thomas ..’’ he stammered , breathing loudly  . ‘’F-follow me, I’ll s-show you the-the way to our Farm and Equestrian Club. Do you …do you need help for carrying the bags . It looks heavy …’’

‘’I’m fine  , thank you . ‘’ I retorted , coldly carrying my own heavy bag like the grown up teen that I am.

‘’Welcome to Boutigny . This town is not really big , it’s a small community . Here the life is slower than Paris .  Nature is all around , and we’re much rural . But you’ll like it , people are nice here . Maybe… I-I can..make you visit the town later if y-you want b-because I’ll make you visit the farm and meet my p-parents. You’ll stay in a room we …prepared for you . I mean I-I did most of the work for you to be ok…I hope you’ll like it.’’

Thomas was really a dumbass . But I liked him.  I was just not really social , it was not his fault. We walked to the streets  , down to the farming areas with the forests that were surrounding the  city of Boutigny-Sur-Essonne. The houses were all rustic. With flower beds all around. Of French shutters with a style reminiscent of the Norman houses. Bucolic and quiet, it was a bubble of happiness and tranquility 1 hour from stressful pace of Paris. I watched Thomas who walked in silence but longed to ask me lots of questions. He asked one a little too much enthusiastically:

'' You come from Paris. Why did you seek so far to have a job? ''

'' I was tired of the city. The life I had in town did not satisfy me. I just part with my ancient girlfriend. Moreover. So I needed to lose myself. ''

‘’Oh’’ whispered Thomas , hands on his pockets as we were turning to a long muddy trail. ‘’ I understand that . Fresh air will be good for you . ‘’

We walked in silence and I was glad my long hairs could hide my face.

We walked long on the dirt and mud. Around us that endless fields of view, this was the only path surrounding us leading straight ahead . Suddenly we arrived in pastures, girded by electric fences. Thomas stopped in front of grazing and whistled. A herd of horses came trotting. . Probably horses ranch. As they were beautiful; several Arab thoroughbred, young and prominent stallions and all of a noble appearance, lustrous mane and perfectly shod hooves. I do not know much about horsemanship. But it was wonderful beasts. Thomas crossed the road and came close to the fence and I saw a saddle resting on a gate which enclosed the fence in the middle. He whistled two shots and saw a beautiful horse coming to him , calm and steady . He was all caramel with white spots up his hooves . He was beautiful. Thomas approached him. The other horses disappeared but he was remaining there . I understood it was the horse of Thomas. I watched the scene . Thomas putted the saddle on the back of the horse , Tight enough, I could see that the seat had a knob to stick to it. It was a western saddle double seat. Hank was sealed when he looked at me with a mischievous look.

'' Do you know how to ride a horse  ? ‘’

What? I looked at him , and I folded my arms , frowning .

'' The road is too long if we continue by walk. We have to use my horse, his name is Roulé,  to get to the cottage. Do not worry I'll help you.''

I looked suspiciously Thomas and pessimistic air.  There’s no fucking way I’m going to ride this stupid horse to…

'' Trust me ...'' Thomas whispered softly in my ear.  I froze and almost close my eyes, frightened by how seductive this awkward bean pole could sound.

I cursed Thomas. But I gulped a dry murmuring agreement, while Thomas arranged the brackets of the sattle with the strap. I approached and caressed the horse who moved his head , happily. I putted a foot on the bracket . Thomas was next to me .

‘’Ok now give it a swing and pass the leg the other side in a large leg movement ‘’

I did it , but ( fuck that)  I was short. So Thomas helped me and put a hand on my back.

‘’The fuck you think you’re doing , man ? ‘’ I said as he removed his hands to put it somewhere else.

‘’I’m s-sorry , it was-an-an-an accident , Guy-Manuel ‘’ he stuttered embarrassed all red.

I coughed ( geeze I was like  sweating like hell , the fuck was going on ) and I finally stand on the horse. Thomas then went up , easily , like it was nothing. It was him who was sitting back of me He took the reins , passing his arms under mine . He was close to me and it was embarrassing for both of us.

‘’Don’t worry , this will happen only one time . And it’s today . ‘’ he coughed , sensing the embarrassing atmosphere. He yelled something in French and the horse started trotting. I wrapped my arms around Thomas hips who froze then relaxed as he realised I was afraid to fall . It was something . To hang on a stranger , to share this position. I didn’t hate it anyway. It was something … special. I felt they were something . Like … a twinkle , a spark  between us. I relaxed my grip later on.

‘’It’s like the horse already know how to go to the ranch by itself .  ‘’ I whispered .

‘’Thomas smiled and said:

‘’Horses are smart. They can remember things , you know. If you’re bad with him , if  you treat him badly he’ll remember it. That’s how we make good or bad horse. It’s all about that , Guy-Manuel . That’s why I like them. ‘’

Thomas was passionate  , that was for sure. I was almost enjoying the ride. It was fun . Thomas and I were having a discussion ; we discovered that we liked the same movies , the same music also. Thomas was having the same passion as me for movies and music. He was a huge nerd  , like me , and it felt good for me .  I talked more then what I used to . Sadly the ride came soon to the end as I saw a wonderful farm and ranch emerging from the trees , at the end of the road. I get down of the horse with the help of Thomas that made sure I didn’t fall. I jumped and I automatically get…in his arms. We both stared at each other , blushing , and we stepped back .  Thomas took the horse to his box. Suddenly a girl came to me. Thomas sister’s . She had long and curly brown hair and was taller than Thomas .

‘’Hi little boy . You’re new here right ? I’m Amanda , 20 years old , a year older than my stupid brother .. Come with me , I’ll made a visit with you of the farm and the ranch and explain everything in details . ‘’

Thomas ran back to us , and became pale when he saw his sisters that was more giggling than speaking to me . He ran to us . And I heard some bribes of the conversation.

‘’Oh come on , give it to me . He is so cute and I . ‘’

‘’Gosh Amanda leave him alone already , don’t you think it’s a lot for him to move from another place that is completely different , give him time to suit himself , all right ? “

‘’Fine , if you want it , keep it. I’ll go check on mom and dad in the farm . Smell ya later , brother . ‘’

I was grateful for Thomas who understood how much weird it was for me . I was not in my element. And dealing with a flirty girl as I just  lost one was… no , just no.

Thomas smiled and said:

‘’Sorry for my sister.. So now , where do we begin ? ‘’

***

Thomas made me visit the farm and the ranch that was left to the cottage and the farm , where we could see a henhouse  with turkeys, chickens, canes, geese and hens. My job was first to pick up the eggs in the henhouse. Then came the barn with donkeys, cows and sheep: I had  to feed animals, give them hay and help Thomas shear  the sheep. Then I had to cultivate small vegetable garden and greenhouse tomatoes, cucumbers, radishes, potatoes and carrots. Would occupy my afternoon. Then I take care of horses or Amanda Thomas. As it was a pension I had to take care of the horses of visitors and students of the school of the ranch. As the mother of Thomas managed the Ranch, while his father managed the farm. So I was working all day , and had a good salary , so no problem . I will have to learn to be quick and strong . It wasn’t fancy or easy but I was willing to do it , no matter how. The cottage with the Ranch and the Farm was big. A large house painted in white cream and green shade ; a large entrance ; with cute windows as well as  a small windmill next to it. The cottage was old ; aged in 1800s . He was beautiful and really rustic , typically rural and warm. I entered in the house that was all in old wooden ; with large rooms  , two floors with beautiful antique items all around. It looks like we were in 1950 inside , and 1800 outside. Vintage and sweet ; I like it . Thomas showed me my rooms. A blue bed , with a closet , a small television , a window that was heading on the garden that was facing the henhouse  . The walls were beige and it was all rustic and preppy . It was gorgeous. But what was really impressive was really the horse riding club , that looked all vintage , all pretty and sweet . Everything was so charming even their son was … nevermind , just never fucking mind.

Thomas cleared his voice.

‘’ I found this , for , for you . ‘’ he said , as he pointed me a box on the floor. I opened it…It was a vinyle player. ‘’ I um , well , looked at your Curriculum Vitae and saw the only thing you like was vintage music , and DJying , so since I share the , the , same um passion I thought you would like it . ‘’Tears streamed down my face. That was the only thing that was worth to bring in my travel and Thomas just got it for me.  

‘’Beautiful. ‘’ I choked as tears were falling .

‘’Oh no , please don’t cry ! It’s …it’s ok . ‘’ said Thomas , that rushed to me , worried and awkard about this reaction.

It was too much . I was away. I was lost . I was feeling new , I was feeling in the middle of no where. I was confused. But happy. I cried. Thomas sat next to me and putted a hand on my back. Whispering softly.

‘’I know it’s hard to start a new life. Don’t worry , we will help you . I will help you . ‘’

I smiled at him and wiped my tears

‘’Why are you doing this to me Thomas ? ‘’ I whispered

‘’Because I think you can be happy . And I want you to be happy here , with us. ‘’ he said winking at me ( that made me shiver , it was like … he already knew I was heart broken before even asking me , like if he could read my soul , or my mind. ) ‘’Sleep early , we have a  big day . You have to wake up at 4:45 to take your break feast , get ready , and meet me at the farm. I’ll start your first day with you , after you can if you want , do the thing alone. ‘’

I looked at my room and my vinyle player , nodding silently .

‘’Bienvenue à Boutigny-Sur-Essonne Guy-Manuel. I’m glad you joined us , seriously .  ‘’ said Thomas before closing the door  softly . Silence in the room. I heard a door closing downstair.

I stare at the door after he closed it  , asking myself if I really just ran away like that , from everything , from my stupid ass bitch ex girlfriend , from my ( sorry Paul , sorry mom , sorry dad ) family , from the DJ life I was having to …work in a farm.

I guess … I did.

I sighed and I put all my clothes on the closet as I walked near the window to smoke a cigarette . This day was a long day but I decided to give myself some time to rest . Suddenly my gaze shift away , gone with wildness and the beautiful rustic landscape in front me . I looked at the nature and smiled : it sure was the place to get away to disconnect from the hard reality. Sometimes , it’s just feel so good to take a break from reality and find a bittersweet place to hide in a lonely island , in a nowhere place , like here , in Boutigny-Sur-Essonne.

I was looking at field , with the place where the horses trains . I wonder if their ranch , their horse riding club , was maybe doing horse riding competition. As I was asking myself that , god answered me .

I saw suddenly Thomas coming with the same horse as before , he jumped on it , with so much grace it looked almost like a … prince , or someone that rides horses only because noblesse oblige. He talked to the horse , like if he was whispering and the horse waved his head . Thomas patted the neck of the animal with so much tenderness and passion that my heart was melting. They then entered together a small land , I guess , that was dedicated to horse training . I watched , as Thomas leaned forward , his horse’s gaining speed , trotting with so much elegance that it looked like flying. The horse begin to walk , then trotting and finally gallop. Damn , so fast . It was like he was racing against himself. I looked at Thomas that was focus , concentrating , and seemed to make one with his horse . Then I realized they were small obstacles on the way , I gasped and almost close my eyes because they were rather high , but surprise…That motherfucker actually made his horse able to fucking jump over them. I was mind blown. That kid ?  Riding a horse with elegance  ,   nobility , class and almost …sensuality ? Such a big contrast . Thomas made his way , jumping at all the obstacles , perfectly , his horse  making  audacious  leaps each time in the perfect way , at the perfect moment  ; he was not missing a single one. I smoked my cigarette  , looking at the boy performing   . He then said ‘woooooo , Roulé , wooooo . ‘’’ And the horse , panting , slowed down . He  jumped down  of the horse and patted him on his back as the horse was drinking water in a bucket . Thomas had beads of sweat on his forehead but his smile…

His smile was one of the most beautiful thing I saw in my life. Those plump lips curved in an amazingly adorable , sincere and warm smile that was illuminating his faces like a star …

Pure passion. Pure happiness. I liked that. I smiled and went on a daydream looking at him , smiling . He caught me . I turned my back off the window  ,blushing madly .

Fuck.Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I turned my face . He was frowning , but smiling and looking at me.

Merde. Merde. Merde . Meeerde.

I took my drawing pad in my bags . And wrote a few words on it. Then , turned back to face him but hind  my blushing face behind the pad  where the words : ‘’ I’m sorry If I disturbed you . ‘’ were written . I looked at his reaction ; he was laughing. I was so furiously blushing .  I wrote , almost mad , in capital letters :

‘’STOP LAUGHING . ‘’ and showed him , waving the pad in the window . I waited a while and looked again , he was still  there but was not laughing , he was just smiling with his heart.He raised the hand and understood he wanted the pad and the pen. After  a long hesitation , I threw the pad and the pen that fall in a bush . He took them , then smiling he wrote a few word in big letters as I did on the pad and showed me :

‘’I’m not laughing because you’re funny , but because you are cute . See you tomorrow  , Guy-Manuel. ‘’

He smiled , sighed and took the horse to its stall . I  closed the window . And  , in silence  , went to sleep.

Well almost. I’ll have to ask Thomas if I can clean the sheets tomorrow …


	2. Mens and Horses

I woke up with  the rooster crows, the sun licking my body with its first golden rays, wedding my curves that many considered feline. And swooping .. It was the dawn; night melted into an uncertain purple blue sky; the orange glow seemed to rise from the ground in crystalline voluptuous smoke dissipated in the horizon courageous star still showed. It was about 4:45. I stood up, suddenly aware that I was late for 30 minutes. I was so dizzy ; it was so early , and I normally , I wake up at well… 12 o clock ? It was not my biorhythm. I grabbed a jean , a pair of boots , a black t-shirt  , and I went downstair to have my breakfeast . I sat at the table , and saw …Crap.

‘’Bonjour Amanda. ‘’ I said , annoyingly.

‘’ Bonjour charmant jeune homme . ‘’ she said , giggling like a hen.

I shivered of disgust and ate my breakfeast quite … fast , as I couldn’t support her cheesy flirty gaze … and even more when I found that she actually have almost the same eyes as her…

Oh gosh.

I finished my breakfeast and went outside. I saw  Thomas who was already working on the farm  with another boy . What ? Another boy . I  froze and frown as I  glance at it ; long brown hair  ,  childish features , hot browns eyes  . He walked away in the direction of the farm.

‘’Good news for you ! My father hired someone else for the farm , his name is Julian. He is my friends and lives not too far away. You , will work all day with horses. But you can do the farming if you want. ‘’

I raised an eyebrow

‘’Am I keeping the same salary still ? ‘’

‘’Yes ; we are paying you 15$/by hour .’’

‘’So I don’t care then . ‘’ I said , with a lukewarm smile.

Thomas rolled his eyes , sighed and said :

‘’All right then follow me .’’

**

‘’So remember how you have to keep the stall always clean , right  ? Cherry Blossom doesn’t like when you stare at her . ( he was pointing a white horse) oh and fais gaffe à Éclair , he bites . ( he waved at the grey horse behind us. )  ‘’ So  Thomas told me how to clean the stalls of the stable, how to brush horses, how to repair and take care of maintains the stable, how feeding the horses, how to clean them. I was in a midday training become; hostler. The boy who cared, all day long horses and was also doing  manuals and repair work around the farm.

I nod at him , asking him questions if I was feeling insecure , other than that , I was quiet as a ghost. I didn’t like much to talk and obviously , Thomas could talk for two .

‘’ So for the first time , I’ll show you the work , how I proceed with Roulé and after that you can take care of Cherry Blossom ,  Pinky  , Zorba , Éclair , Spider , Justice  and Roulé.‘’

I followed Thomas  to the stall of Roulé I looked at the horse , the more I time I was spending them , the more I loved those animals. I smiled. And saw that Thomas was staring at me. He then shook his head , blushed and stuttered something that sound like :

‘’The ehhh . T-The brush. W-We will brush t-he horse hair .’’

He handed me the brush and I started to brush the horse hair . The horse suddenly neighs and made some aggressive moves , waving his head abruptly. Thomas calmed him down and said :

‘’No, no no , not like that , here …’’

He pressed his hand against mine that was still holding the brush ( he was shaking  , the bastard. ) he then suddenly hold it in his hands and he took my hand and guide me , brushing with me the mane of Roulé .

The horse liked it and suddenly he made a move on the left , I lost my balance and falled on Thomas ( luckily on a mountain of hay ) . We looked at each other , blushing at first  , me trying to get down of the top of him then …

We started to laugh , and laugh , and laugh.

We couldn’t stop . I throw myself next to him  , laughing at this  . While  Roulé seemed happy of that waved his head up and down which that made us laugh even harder.

And that’s how I became friend with Thomas Bangalter.

**

Thomas showed me some other things , but most of the time we did them as talking , to get to know each other. Funny . We liked the same movies and the same music. It was kinda strange because we felt we understood so much each other while being totally different. We were both shy but in a different way. It was really good to meet someone so down to hurt , humble and cool as him , out of Paris. If I would have know him in Paris before , maybe I would have stayed.

It was now time for now and Thomas showed me where I have my lunch , with the other guy , Julian. I was sad. But still :

‘’I’ll see you soon. ‘’

‘’Why don’t you eat with us . ‘’

‘’I got something to do . ‘’ he said , with a hint of sadness that shadowed his face

‘’K then’ ‘’ I said , as he turned back and walked away.

I sat with Julian .

He raised an eyebrow .

‘’No lunch ? ‘’ he said , in French ,  with a strong American accent.

‘’Well , shit . ‘’ I confirmed.

He smiled and hand me a half of his sandwich.

‘’Take this ,bro . ‘’

‘’Well thanks ! Hey your French doesn’t sound that bad ‘’ I said , taking a bite of his chicken sandwich

‘’ Merci . ‘’ he said . ‘’Oh by the way my name is Julian. I come from USA. Foreign student , but working in summer to keep up.  ‘’

‘’Guy-Manuel . ‘’ I said , shaking his hand . ‘’Just a guy from Paris , ya know. ‘’

He nod and offer me a bottle of Coke . I accepted and took a cheer with him. We begin talking about stuff , movies , music – he was a musician , and he sang , as well as he played guitar- and about girls ,sex , politic. It was really… an interesting conversation. It was really funny. But cool. He was a nice buddy .

"So what you did before in Paris. " he asked , putting his sun glasses as we were finishing our luhcn

I looked for a moment the flight of a  tiny swallow that flew up our heads hid in the barn  red periwinkles where we were eating. Some free hens and chicken were eating the

" I followed a formation  as a veterinarianbut I did not continue; I change to the program in art, I surrender to devote myself to my music, I play the guitar and the harp and I. "

"No kidding. "Julian exclaimed, laughing," Harp, you? "

"What there was so funny? "I said

"Harp? "

I frowned and gave a sardonic smile:

"Yeah I know right But I give up guitar and harp, and all my old dreams to be a DJ; Paris is undergoing a revolution seriously, I do not understand why the government wants to ban synthesizers from  France; but I know that this new kind of music will be revolutionary, out of popular music; and people fear what is not mainstream or marginal. This music is new, Some people say it's just noise, Some people say it's not music. But I find the same energy I was finding in rock before. But as politicians think everything that comes out of the box is a reason to condemn to heresy, they do not like this kind of music. "

"When there are killings with firearms in the United States, politicians blame the rock and Marilyn Manson. "Julian muttered giving crumbs to the hens around us who were  pecking around.

 

"You are the friend of Thomas? "I asked, in a tone of the conversation.

Julian smiled:

"Yes. I'm friends with this rich nerd to believe. "

"Rich? "

He rolled his eyes and murmured:

"His father is Daniel Bangalter; lyricist for plenty of French group, but also an elite horse rider. They make a lot of money too with farmhouse. "

My eyes widened:

"But he's not like the millionaires or the bourgeois of Paris and their attitude of shit! "

He shrugged and replied:

"He does not really like superficiality, I think. From what I know of him, he is very humble, intelligent and lives only for passion.''

A red truck coming in the parking lot of the property of the Bangalter’s family interrupted our conversation.

A very large trailer was attached to the rear of the truck.

The father and mother of Thomas drove the truck. They walked down the truck.

Julian and I picked up our lunch and got up without saying anything, hands behind back, to look good.

We waited their baffle:

"That horse will never be able to run. He is stubborn, he is a male stallion and in addition we must heal his injured leg and a veterinarian costs a fortune. Why you bought it?? "

Thomas got down of the truck to open the trailer , he looked at us then looked away , embarrassed and sad . Julian and I shared a  disappointed look.

‘’ Because I didn’t wanted him to end to the slaughter ; and trust me , Daniel , don’t you see it’s gold ??? I’m sure we could win races with him ! Don’t you know that our budget is becoming even more smaller everyday since we didn’t won the cup last year and …’’

‘’BUT A TRAINER WILL COST A FORTUNE  !! ‘’ screamed Daniel .

‘’Well , I’m sure that our trainer , Stéphane Quême can…’’

‘’But it’s a stallion ! He got a bad character ! Oh god… ‘’

Thomas took the horse out of the trailer and my heart melted.

It was a beautiful stallion .  I thought that the Isabelle dress robe of a caramel brown and white tone of Roulé, the horse of Thomas was my favorite robe . But I was wrong  . Terribly wrong.

The stallion was  brown a bit darker then chocolate ; not enough to be dark.  He limped, bucking and whinnying, refusing to move. His left leg in front was injuried. But what was amazing was that ... the horse's eyes were blue An icy cold blue.

Daniel turned at us and screamed :

‘’Julian ! Back to work , the grass need to be mowed . Guy-Manuel , you are helping us with the horse . ‘’

Julian ran to do what Daniel asked and I did the same.

‘’Bad Idea… stupid horse , and what a silly name , Crydamoure , what seriously. It’s ridiculous. ‘’

I looked at the horse , and felt bad. Crydamoure was a nice name , it was ironic and really punny due to his personality.

We carried the horse to his stall. Daniel looked at me ,and I automatically didn’t like the way he looked at me. I didn’t  even met him the first day , because apparently he was busy , but he talked to me a very few times , asking if all the jobs were done. Thomas was standing there , trying to calm Crydamoure. Eventually , his father left and Thomas just… broke down , and started to cry. I automatically put a arm around him and said :

‘’What’s wrong , Thomas come on , shake it up . ‘’

‘’ He is putting so much pressure to win competitions , to be perfect , to be like him  and… I can’t .’’

‘’Maybe if you tell him nicely he could understand , he maybe is stubborn and have a strong attitude but you know ,  cold people have emotions …too ‘’ I whispered , looking at the horse .

Thomas wiped his tears and looked at the horse.

‘’How we gonna find a veterinarian ? ‘’

I sighed and said :

‘’Well I got a diploma in animal caring , I mean in veterinary studies but..’’

Thomas jumped in my arms and hugged me so much that I was choking. It was …unpexcted.

‘’So you could heal Crydamoure ? Could you do that ? Oh gosh , please , it would save our life , please.’’

‘’I .. never practice but I guess I could help maybe ? ‘’

Guy-Manuel , why did you say that you silly ass ?

‘’Oh thank you so much , Guy-Manuel ‘’ whispered Thomas , patting my back as he hugged me strongly , ‘’I knew you could do it for us …’’

I sighed .

‘’That’s ok Thomas . ‘’ I said , breaking the hug with a bit of sadness .

‘’I’ll talk to my dad tomorrow and we will see. We will buy supplies . I hope  it be be all right .  We will wait maybe a week  or two ; because it’s the delay for the supply to arrive to our town from Paris you know . We’ll see .‘’

I sighed and looked at Thomas . Oh well , I hope I’ll not fucked it all up . I’m already doomed …


	3. Riding Crydamoure

Two weeks had passed. The supply ( hopefully ) for the horse would normally be there tomorrow  I kept seeing Julian and sometimes Thomas would come and talk with us . I was taking care of all the horses. I loved them all. The were silent , but loyals and truth partners. I loved to take care of their mane , feeding them , brushing their beautiful body. I was working hard , day to night ; I was covered with mud and sweat but I was happy to kill myself to work. And  my heart was kinda healed by hard works , nature and the mystical and enigmatic presence of the horse . It was all good. The only shit I hated was cleaning the stall and sharing my breakfeast with Thomas sister’s . Among that I really like , to hang with Thomas during the lunch or the break , or just when he comes to visit me when I’m carrying the hay for the horses. Our conversations are always fascinating and we have a lot of fun together. I love to see him  training Roulé ,his horse. Always mesmerized by his talent. He blush ( that is so fucking cute) every time I tell him.

I also feel that a particular relation is in progress between me and Crydamoure . The horse is stubborn but I kinda feel a bit like he do.

One day ,before going to bed , I came to the stall of Crydamoure. This horse was… calling me , I don’t know.

‘’Hey Crydamoure … You look exhausted , it was a bad day right . ‘’

The horse stared at me , without moving. But I could feel I caught his attention

‘’I know this is difficult. But you gotta be nice to Thomas. It is really a good person. I also do not like when I was told what to do, when you try to love me, I could live alone. Like you I guess. But sometimes ... We have no choice. I can not make them obey you. Nobody decides for me. But sometimes you have to work as a team. Même si ça fait chier ‘’

The horse looked at me and I felt that we were connected. It is difficult to express, understand, but sometimes in the reflection of his eyes, it seemed that Crydamoure understood me. As if we share the same pain. The same spirit.

‘’Demain , I’ll try to look on your leg. I’m sure it’ll be fine. If I can’t do anything , a veterinarian can do something for you , buddy. ‘’

I approached my hand of his head. I felt him step back , bewildered ; then he slowly step forward until his nose met my shaking palm. I slowly caressed him. My heart skipped a beat ; I couldn’t breath. I was caressing Crydamoure  !

‘’ I have a very few friends. I am a lonely boy , and I feel like you are to . Like no one understand you , or feel that you’re afraid to be hurt , when someone disappoint you and break your heart , destroying all your self-esteem. They think you are stupid because you’re stubborn. And they don’t see how beautiful you really are . ‘’

The horses bent his head to that and let me caress his neck. I was all emotional , inside. I felt someone put a hand on my shoulder. Pannicked , I turn over but saw it was Thomas:

‘’Thomas don’t scare me like that ! ‘’ I gasped , a hand on my heart.

‘’Sorry , I didn’t wanted to spy your conversation I was just handing back the brush of Roulé . ‘’

I putted the brush with the other horse instruments on the wall of the stalls and said :

‘’You heard my conversation with Crydamoure. ‘’

‘’A bit yeah …’’ he whispered , looking down.

‘’Oh …’’

I blushed , and let my hair hide half of my face.

An awkward silence between us. Then I broke the ice :

"I do not want you to think I'm nothing but a spoiled child, a weak whiner, without emotions. "

"You're not weak.  You’re my best-friend Guy-Manuel , you know it.You're the strongest person I know. And you're not without emotion. "

"How do you know?" I whispered abruptly while we were closer to each other.

‘’Several things can be understood without being said . Several things can be done without being explained.’’

I leaned and closed my eyes  as he did the same , my heart was pouding ..

Am I really going to…

Suddenly , Suddenly a violent storm burst out ; thunders and lightnings rend the sky; torrentially rain fell heavily. Power outage due to lightning. The stalls were plunged into darkness; horses in their stalls waved. Flash, a particularly anxious horse, smashed the door of his stall and fled into the woods, smashing the stable door. All horses whinnied.  The stable was dark.

Thomas broke away from me and  whistled. Roulé was there , I guess he broke the door of his stall to reach his master.

'' Stay there, I'll go catch up.''

'' THOMAS IS NOT DANGEROUS, IT’S DARK , THERE IS A STORM AND .''

But he did not listen to me; he left the stable with his horse galloping furiously in the sudden storm.  The doors of the stable were open , the wind making them open and close in a loud abrupt sound in the pouring rain.

‘’THOMAAAS'''' I screamed in panic.; but he did not return.

What to do. What to do. I took a flashlight and shone horses. All were restless. But one, more than all other horses. Crydamoure had sensed my panic. He was on his rear legs; its front legs,  including the wounded one , were  in the air. I looked at the scene  , petrified and a bit terrified  , as he open the door of a  powerfull stroke. He stood before me , with proudness and lean his head once. I did not move. He then moved by my side. He lowered his head and waited.

'' You want ..me to ride you '' I whispered breathlessly.'' But your leg ...''

The horse never flinched and waited motionless for me to saddle him. I looked at the saddle with my flashlight , hesitating.

Could I saddle him ?

I did. I was disturbed; the horse forgot  his own pain to  heal mine. Was I became his rider? Had he become my horse?

'' But I do not know how to ride a horse and even how to sit on you, Crydamoure! ''

 Pure astonishment; the horse lied on the floor, folding his legs to allow me to sit on him, close to the ground.

‘’I can’t believe it . It’s not true. ‘’

I sat on him and the horse slowly stood up. I grabbed his neck and leaned on . But then I saw the reins and hold them. I was ready ; my legs were close to his back . I shook the reins and Crydamoure started running , following the trail of the horse of Thomas. I screamed  , it was too fast. I was bumping against the saddle . I was losing my balance. Crydamoure slowed down a bit , to help me to ajust my position. Then I felt … united with him. I was him and he was me. We were moving together ; same pace and beat ; it was as if I was running ; I grabbed the reins  , but didn’t push him too far. I followed the trail of Thomas that was going deep in the wood. Adrenaline was rushing in my veins ; fear of falling , of losing Thomas , excitation because I was doing something out of my league , because I was on Crydamoure because fuck I was riding a horse so fast. I was feeling kinda  awkard but still. After 30 minutes of racing we found them ; they were behind  huge falling tree that fall down around them ; like a jail.

‘’Guy-Manuel !!!!!!’’ he screamed

‘’Thomas , THOMAS , STAY THERE , DON’T PANNICK . ARE YOU HURT ? ‘’ I flash the light so he could see where we were

‘’No but I’m stuck. There , trees falled down as I was reaching for Éclair. !!!’’

‘’HANG ON WE’RE COMING’’

I run to the three with Crydamoure  that gave them stroke with his legs. Two trees fall apart and created a hole. The horses and Thomas passed after. Thomas quickly tied them together so they couldn’t escape. When it was done  , I ran to him :

‘’YOU ARE FUCKING CRAZY . COULD HAVE BEEN DANGEROUS.’’

I looked at him , it was dark , I was cold . The rain was falling.

I looked at him  he looked at Crydamoure and he looked at me .

‘’GUY-MANUEL , YOU CAME WITH CRYDAMOURE HOW THE FUCK ‘’

‘’he came with me Thomas. He is the one that bought me there because he knew I was panicked , he knew I…’’

I looked down and then I whispered :

‘’He knew that I loved you . He felt my love for you and since he loves me too , he broke his stall and bought me there. For you . ‘’

Thomas was speech less. He was looking at me and the only thing that he said was :

‘’Ok , let’s go to put the horses back to the stable quickly  since my parents are not there tonight. And you’re lucky they are out of town to this horse club convention for their member ship. Otherwise , they would have killed us .  My father has a small cottage adjacent the main house. It is hidden in the woods. There is a large fireplace, can be warm, it's comfortable there only two rooms and one double bed. Here we go. Flash takes, or if you want you can come with me on Roulé. ‘’

I nodded and he jumped on Roulé. I walked close to his horse , blushing in the dark. I put the flashlight light on the saddle of Roulé and jumped on the horse ,  infront of Thomas. The horse were all tied up so we trotted to the house.

On the way home , I felt that Thomas putted a arm around my hips ; we made our way back in silence


	4. Love in the ''small '' cottage

Can you imagine the most beautiful cottage ever ? With warm pine woods ; something that is remembering you some old old fashion style farm with rich furnitures , with plenty of rooms a  large leather brown couch in front of large grey stone fireplace that warm you up a huge kitchen and a baths that looks like pools ? That was what the ‘’little ‘’cottage looked like. Thomas and I were sitting in front of the fireplace with hot cocoas and blankets around us . Thomas was looking at the fireplace and it was the time to tell him.

‘’Yes I love you , so what.’’

Thomas smiled and said  :

‘’So what ? ‘’

‘’Yeah so fucking what ‘’ I replied a bit abruptly.

‘’You didn’t even asked me if I loved you . ‘’

‘’ It’s not because you love a person that she loves you back . ‘’ I said , sipping my hot cocoa.

‘’But maybe … I love you to , and you don’t know it . ‘’

I smiled :

‘’Ohhhhhhhhh so you wanted me to ask you if you love me first ? ‘’

Thomas  blushed and hid his face in the blanket as I laughed.

‘’STOP LAUGHING I’M NOT FUNNY . ‘’ he screamed , under the blanket.

I took out the fucking blanket off his face and l cupped his face in my hands :

‘’I’m not laughing because you’re funny , Thomas. But because you’re cute . ‘’ I said , playfully. He smiled and I don’t know how it happened… Really T . But our lips met. I groan and I begged with my tongue to please enter his mouth. He accepted and our tongues were right now  playing with each other as we kissed passionately.

I was kissing him. Finally .  Oh god , his lips were soft as silk . I wanted to taste them all the night and all day long. He was so beautiful. So beautiful.

I pressed myself against him as I pressed him to lie on the couch ; and I was top of him ; my legs tied up to his hips that were moving ,  making me hard as fuck. We were moaning almost in the same time as he or I was kissing his neck , as I took off his shirt and he took off mine  , as I  felt his hands running on my back . Oh god. He was so …

‘’ I love you since the day I saw you at the station , Guy-Manuel . ‘’ he whispered.’’At first I thought you were cold , but then I fell in love with that icy blue look , with this beautiful body you have , and most of all , with your soul. ‘’

‘’Oh Thomas ! ‘’ I moaned  , blushing in his neck  ‘’I love you . ‘’

He hugged me. We didn’t do anything. Just hugging , to feel right , to feel like we were there for each other , to feel it was real , to feel it was real. It was maybe not the right time , and maybe I was not the right one for him yet but we needed each other more than anything in our life , we loved each other more than anything in our life , we wanted each other more than anything in our life and we missed each other more than anyone in our life. And there was something about us to be said, something about us anyway.

We were loving each other , we knew we meant to be , but we wanted to date before still. Even other we both felt there was no other answer but love after all.

He held my hand and I kissed him again , I felt him all in me , on me , around me , I was drunk with his love.

He took off his pants and I did the same. We tossed them away , on the floor. He took my hand and was leading me to the room with the king bed ;  I laughed as he was throwing me warm looks before closing the door behind us


	5. Like a rodeo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW   
> For your pleasure and own desire .

I could not resist, I grabbed the waistband of his pants and threwh him on  me. He gave a low moan. I kissed her violently as we rolled on the bed, kissing with passion, greedily. I had no embarrassment or shame.He took off my sweater with a haste that I shared. He had a dazed look but a so horny onehis lips half open, his curly hair dyed with pearls of sweat. Our excessive and panting breaths. I took off his shirt without further ado, my hands trembling the way when I discovered a white as snow skin. My hands slid over his chest while we groaned together. We were half-naked right now , making out like beasts. What now. I looked at him and he looked at me . I muttered ''what about a blow-job '' in french . He answered me yes in the same language but prefered take it slowly fast. 

''What ? '' I laughed , taking down my pants as he did the same .

'' Just like we are doing now , chéri . ''

I stopped , cheeks red as fuck :

''What did you just called me , silly ? '' 

He opened up his eyes widely , and hid his face like he did something wrong :

''So-Sorry , I-I didn't mean to ... I mean I ...''

''Shhhhhh. '' I said , putting a finger on his lips to interrupt him '' You can call me like that if you want. I don't care anymore . ''

He looked at me with his young and pure eyes and kissed me again , my hands slipped on his hips and I slowly pushed down those eunnecessary bulky pants . He blushed as I liberated a beautiful boner. He was shy of the size of his dick or what ?

''Are you afraid ? '' I asked , concerned .

''N-No...'' he said , though with hesitation ...

I looked at him and put my hands inside his boxer , staring at him deeply . He was so gorgeous.

''D-Daaaaaaaamn.'' he breathed , closing his eyes and biting his lips. I begin to stroke him , slowly removing his boxer to look at his..WHEW JESUS HE SURE IS EQUIPPED . I grinned and bent down. I started to suck his cock , I was hungry for this , I pumped him the best I could , swirling my tongue all around his head , licking the pre-cum and making an indecent pop sound when I was going up to go down. He even got a deep throat , and I really almost came when I felt him putting his hand on my ass firmly . It was so sexy . I laughed as he was moaning. This bastard liked it . I doubled my speed.

''Scream it . Go wild. I want to spin you like a rodeo . ''

At this , he couldn't held . He screamed and yelled my name . It was so sexy... but he came in my mouth. I was first shocked but then I calm down. Maybe he was not as experienced at me. It embarassed him . But I looked at him , and swallowed it all . Licking my lips . His jaw fall down and I just said .

'' Close your mouth . Or suck me . '' 

He looked me , he kissed my cheek , my lips , my earlobe before whispering in my ears :

''Je t'aime.''

And then he leaned and sucked me. Oh . God. His mouth. On my cock. It was just magnificent how he just moved up and down and when he used his tongue to suck and lick like a lollipop . Oh yeah...

'' I love you Thomas... I love you so much ... '' I whispered , a hand on his hair as he was sucking my ball. I groaned and warned him :

''Move away angel , I will cum ..''

''Cum on my face . '' he said 

''No ...'' i breathed out , I didn't wanted to humiliate him.

'' Viens sur moi , Guy-Manuel.'' he repeated , with a cheesy tone.

And well I came. On his angelic face. God .

Of course I helped him to clean tho he seemed to like it. After we collapsed on the bed , he put his head on my chest and I lost my hand in his hair , stroking every curl of his hair with passion , kissing his head. My other hand was being held by his hands.

'' So what now ... '' he whispered , smiling softly. 

''Ugh... Guess that I love you right ... '' I said , smiling playfully

He laughed and I suddenly how cute was his laugh. How beautiful were his eyes. How desirable were his lips. Suddenly it hitted me like if I always knew it but never saw it.  
He was damn cute. And this boy was mine. Was it a summer love ? Was it something more ? Whatever it was , the fact that I felt his heart beat on my chest made me happy and feeling good. With him I could feel again.   
I looked at him and I think that he read all this in my eyes. He was still blushing . I know what this implicate in a small community where gay or bisexual relations aren't accepted much but at this time we didn't care. We didn't talked because we could read our love by the lines of our skin , to the colour of our eyes , we could feel it in our silences.  
I was just there , staring at the roof with the most important man in my life , in my arms. I felt good. So good. I felt finally complete. Finally happy. Finally I found it.   
I didn't wanted him to let him go. My feelings were so strong. And I felt nothing was wrong. So I decided to stay forever. With him , nothing's better.

''Tomorrow , you'll not be angry , regret it and be angry ? ''

I smiled :

''That's bothering you sweet babe ? ''

He blushed :

'' I don't want you to throw your coffee on me next morning. ''

I smiled and whispered :

''The only thing I'll throw on you tomorrow is a rain of kisses , you'll see.''

He closed his eyes and closed the light , curling to me , cuddling to me , hugging me . Everything I wanted. Safely.

''Or we will see tomorrow . '' he said , a smile in his voice as I closed my eyes , kissing him one last time before going to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For him - who shall not be named but only known as the one who made me feel again.


	6. Sunrise. Morning.

I usually never wake up at 4:45. But I knew I had to  because at 5 , I needed to go to do the morning work on the farm. So I opened my eyes and stared at him. Silenty , I ran my fingers softly on his back  , staring at his cute face. The memories were streaming down and making me blush when they came to my mind , like small flash. Thomas groaned  , yawned and turn over . He was facing me and hsi eyes started to open slightly : 

'' Good morning '' I said , kissing his forehead.

Thomas jolted  . Looking at me , then at us. He laughed : 

''So you're not mad  ? ''

I shook my head :

''No . '' 

Thomas yawned a second time and nuzzled his head on my chest , I grinned as my hand couldn't help but softly brush and stroke his brown lovely curls. He gruntily moaned and I thought it was the sexiest sound ever : 

''This is glorious. I don't want to get up ...''

I said nothing and kissed his head. He blushed and said : 

''Yesterday you told me you loved me...'' 

I sighed :

''It's still there Thomas , why are you scared .''

''Because I don't understand  how you can love me.''

''Sometimes. The perfect love is framed with silence. It's speaks more for me , of feelings stronger , like never felt before. ''

Thomas took my hands as I was smiling enlessly to him . 

He smiled as I pulled him in my arms , cuddling him , protecting him ; because he was then , so important to me. We stayed , like that  , in silence. Hugging each other , waking up before the morning. Waking up before the sun rise. The sweet darkness was overwhelming the house  , the peacefull silence of the  morning was making no sound in the house  , as we stared and listened to the silence , heavenly  feeling fluffy and untouchable in a large soft bed .  We just listened to our heartbeats. Every touch , every finger that was tracing lines on our shoulder , on our back , was important. We were just , there , forgetting about the world. About everything. Here and now , there was Thomas. Here and now , I was loving him. Here and now , I felt I found my place in this world. In this lonely world. In my lonely world. I felt I had to hold him . Like that. In silence , doing nothing but just being delighted in this intimate contact , like if touching was the answer . Like if his love was the answer to all I was , to all I wanted to be. He was the answer . I was home , now. The sensation of our bodies , pressed like that , against each other , gave me just so much to feel ; so much to be relieved and healed . I never knew I needed to be healed before this morning , before that moment when I felt two beautiful hazel hot eyes , burning my soul as they were shoving into my soul with passion , shamelessly.

The only sounds were the tic-toc of the old ancient clock of the house. His breath on my chest. The beat of our hearts. Silence. Lovely silence. The silence I needed not the silence I wanted. I always wanted to be alone , in silence. But I never thought , the silence could be ... so peacefull and beautiful.

And the fact that Thomas understood my silence made it obvious I found myself in him.

Yes I found myself in him .  

It was 5 o clock. We looked at each other , for us it was a another day. A new day. We got up , slowly dressing up as Thomas opened the curtain , his sleepy eyes watching outside the window , the farm and the wood . I looked at him , standing here. I made coffee in the kitchen. I leaned on the counter as the coffee machine was producing a steamy sound . I looked up , smiling at the pictures pinned in the door of the freezer with magnets. Thomas was beautiful , at every age. From 5 to 17. I bit my lips and opened the green wooden dresser up the coffee machine that filled the coffee pot with warm Folgers coffee (the only coffee I could found ) . I took out two cups and pour the coffee. Adding milk and sugar for Thomas , nothing for me. Half dressed , I came back to the room where Thomas was still dreamily staring at the farm. I stopped . Smiling and walked behind him. He took the cup with a brilliant smile as I rested my head on his shoulder , next to him. 

'' Sunrise.'' he wispered. I noded , sipping coffee .

A small pale yellowish light was raising from behind the cloud , falling on the top of the woods , at the horizon. The dimmed light fell on the farm , that was now surrounded by a fog , and a blue-light shadow from early morning. 5:25. Sunrise. Morning. And I was with Thomas.

''Stunning.'' I mumbled , drinking my cub quite quickly. Burning my troat. 

He smiled and turned back , he was only wearing his boxer , he looked down and helped me to button my shirt , his mouth half open. I kissed him as I leaned against the window , groaning as I felt our lips , partially opened , meeting. I grinned and I helped him to put on a t-shirt. We then put back our pants . It was 5:35 . We left the cottage. And we went back to the farm. 

I was holding the hand of Thomas and he looked at me and said : 

''You never saw me riding Roulé and making jumps with him right ? ''

I laughed : 

'' I want to see you doing it . ''

He smiled : 

'' We have the time. Come on , follow me . '' 


	7. Riding through the dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "But Gabrielle, if you choose to go against the convention you..."
> 
> "Mom , I'm not trying to be a feminist, I am not trying to be like everyone , I am not doing it for the money ... I am doing it for myself."
> 
> "You'll get haters if you chose to be like that , I am just telling you..."
> 
> "The society can hate me but I won't hate myself because I know I am who I am . Ill be who I am . Not who I should be. I got hurted too much by doing so. "
> 
> \- cheers to the people who still fight to be who they are and fuck the society who decided to make that so hard.

   So we went back to the box of the horses . I opened the door  and I saw Crydamoure who was looking at me  with his deep gaze. I smirked ; I owe him a huge back of carrots because without him , Thomas wouldn't be holding my hand. Thomas patted the back of Roule , feeding him with some horse special feeding mixture. I looked at him, leaned on the bar of the dusty boxes,  deeply and when he realized I was staring at him he blushed , stuttering :

"I'm going t- to change clothes . I-I need a-a proper clothing to do-do hunt seat and show jump equitation. After I 'll do western s- style ; which is a-a different style. In - in fact , hunt seat is running , trotting equitation and s-show jump is - is like a r-race with o-obstacles. "

I nodded , ignoring his cute stutter ,  and replied :

"I'm going to prepare the training and riding area , the obstacles and the horse park "

He tried to stop me and said :

"I-I can help, Guy-Manuel...T'es pas...(you're not)"

I looked at him and shrugged :

"Non (no)  that's not your Job . Just go change yourself I'll saddle the horses and take care of the rest , mec (Dude) .Just meet me when you're ready cowboy !"

He giggled and smacked a kiss on my cheek:

"Merci.(thanks). I'll see you there."

I smiled, my hand brushing my cheek,on the heat left by the lips of the boy that was now walking to his home to get ready .

***

Back to the horses. I needed to saddle Roulé. I saddled him and , grabbing the reins, brought him to the horse park. My hand ran on his beautiful muscular body.I  brought Roulé  on the horse park. I picked up the heavy obstacles and jump bars , installing them like Thomas taught me to the first day we met . I pulled them in the circular muddy training   horse park. I fell a couple of time in the mud. I grunted and moaned of exasperation. Working on a ranch and on a farm was nothing easy. I was so faraway from   the snobbish atmosphere of Paris. I heard  neighs from the boxes. I looked up in the direction of Crydamoure  and I sighed.

I don't  know how I felt that but man , the horse was so sad. I looked at him.

"What do you want ?"

The horse neighed again , his head bumping the door of his box . I understood:

"Ahhhh you want to go out ... mais (but) I cant let you... you are still injuried ...but Dr.Stephane Queme will come soon.. And.."  

The horse looked at me. And I knew what the horse felt...

 

It came at me like a flash back :

"   _Guy-Manuel de Homem-Christo!Seriously , a DJ  ? Its ridiculous...You wont have a serious life if you chose this one . With the grade you have  I would accept   the job in the marketing company of your father if I was you , son !"_

_"But mom I don't care about money beside , I have talent !"_

_"Guillaume , trust me ,  how will people look at you with a job like that , with no money... "_

_"MOM , LISTEN TO ME I JUST WANT TO BE..."_  

Free. The horse wanted to be free. He was tired to obey to someone else that didn't understand him. And that was why he wanted me... I opened the box. Waiting to see if the  horse would just run away from me..

But he didn't .

Instead , he walked to me. I was scared. I raised my palm , closing my eyes ... I then felt hot humid nostrils brushing my fingers. I gasped . I looked at him. He stared at  me. I patted his muzzle and I came closer. 

"Yeahhhhh. You are not alone in this..."

I looked at him :

"You are probably tired to feel like everyone is comparing you to something you are not. Tired to try so hard to perform but all you get is hate. Yeah. I get that a lot .Ugh, right ?"

The  horse blew out hot air from his nostrils , like a deep pissed off sigh . I felt we had the same energy. Thomas was late. What to do ?  I needed music. I raced to the house , walking on the tip of my toes , not sure if everyone was awake  and went up the stair.Slowly opening the door of my room , I took out some  vinyls and the vinyl player. I putted it on my window that I opened , of course. We could hear the sound from the park that was not far from my window.I closed the door of the room not to wake up everyone. I played a house vinyl I use back in the days when I was mixing as a DJ.

Apparently , Crydamoure liked it as he started to neigh and trotted on the park , freely. I laughed looking at him and then I realized he was trotting to the beat.  A horse liking house music ?I loved that. The horse then came to me , waiting for me to do something...

Oh...

"You want me to ride you...right?"

The worse idea...

"Ok... I guess if we do a small trotting exercise...Ok , let get on you buddy."

Can become the best if you chose to forget the concept of everything and harmony being correct ...

"Yep!Yep!Trot my boy. Woah...not so  fast...yes...yeah , like that..to the beat my boy."

Only then, you can do whatever you want. So nobody told me what to do. Because I decided they were no preconception of what to do. And who to be.

Crydamoure trotted with me. I say with me because it was like playing music. To feel it . To be perfect. To be in harmony. You need to make one with the music you do . You need to understand and in order to understand you need to work with your music. Feeling every breathe of Crydamoure , leaning with every little jump ,absorbing the shock just like when the bass drop. Maybe I wasn't doing it perfectly , in al the perfect rules of it , maybe I was doing it with mistakes , but I was doing it with some things that equitarian people often forget and give up because they give more importance to prestige and money and prizes ; I was doing it with my heart.With my soul.

"Guy-Manuel you are amazing !"

I jolted , Crydamoure stopped and I was projected , screaming , in the mud of the park. Thomas ran to help me. I moaned and when I looked at him I lost my shit.

High black straight leather boots , tight black pants , a short black tailor suit with a white shirt  and black leather glove . With a cask.  I glared at him. Thomas was handsome and attractive :

"Ha...You-How long have you been here..."

"About 15 minutes."

"Oh , sorry then." I said coldly , holding the reins of Crydamoure to bring him back to the box. 

But I felt Thomas grabbing my hand . I turned to him looking down  , avoiding his gaze. He sighed and whispered :

 

"I have never seen someone so natural and so good working with horse. You were so connected. You were beautiful to see."

I didn't understand why he blushed so hard at this , though he blush at everything , but maybe it was because of the kiss he gave me quickly that somehow , made me smirk at least a bit :

"Thanks Thomas...It really means a lot...Looks like people forget to give   compliments and just always hate."

He sighed , him to seems to be facing the same problem. He shook his head and said :

"Want to see me ride ?"

"Can I have a role then ?" 

He blushed and giggled . His laugh . Was. So. Cute :

" I was talking about Roule , espece de con. ( you idiot) 

I laughed and said :

"Ok white boy , show me what you got !"

I  stopped the vinyls , going up in my room again and instead I [putted a song that was rather new...](http://youtu.be/5y_KJAg8bHI)

When Thomas heard the song he smiled , whispering a fuck yeah as the guitar chords were starting. 

Thomas  straddled Roule , his feet close to the rib. He looked at the field with a smirk that was filled with bold.  He licked his lips , focussing.  He gave two short kicks lightly on the horse, the horse  neighed and he trotted. Thomas smiled elegantly leaning forward . I looked at him , in awe. He was so beautiful. I could feel his heart pounding as he was gaining speed , I could see him forgetting the world , as he was slightly bouncing on the back of  the horse. 1-2-1-2 the pace was steady , the movement of the horse were fluent and stable.The adrenaline was making  him sweat , the music playing loudly . The sun was shimmering   on the  lustrous  body of the horse. Thomas guided the horse , holding tight on the reins as the trots became gallops. I got goosebumps , it was literally thrilling and I lost myself to the race    when he finally yelled :

 

"YAH!"

 

The horse  neighed , shaking his head , his mane  and his tail whipping in the wind ,  and started trotting  in the direction of the   few obstacles ahead . In their race , the dust was following  behind  in a blurred  grey cloud swirling up from the ground at he rapid  gallops of Roule , his hooves drumming the ground .  Thomas tightened his grip on the rein , keeping his elbows light and his arms moving with the motion of Roule , his back straight and steady on the seat rocking along with the horse. Thomas squinted his eyes looking  straight forward  at the first obstacle ,  a fence with not one but four bars to jump.  I felt my heart  stops  as he squeezed his thighs , pressuring the body of the horse  in order for him to go forward...  and faster ! Thomas leaned on the mane of the horse as he  doubled the speed.  Roule ,just before  the obstacle,  took a   leap , his legs spreading and his muscles in extension , powerfully taking the strength  from his strong galloping    speed  to lift his front body , taking balance on hiss back , his slender legs in the air over the obstacle   for the ultimate jump  . I gasped and held my breathe  as the horse passed over the bars of the obstacle. Thomas and his horse were,  for one second that seemed to last like years , flying in the air . The horse gracefully land over lightly ,  smoothly finishing the jump , the bars untouched and the fence not even shaking  ; the execution was perfect. Thomas smiled and screamed victoriously . He made Roule run  as sharp as the breeze and as fast as  the wind , racing  over and over  in the park , jumping every obstacles   with strength and grace , galloping athletically.  He was amazing ; he was riding it perfectly.  Seeing them jumping the obstacles was a breathtaking  thing to see . 

Thomas halted the horse , sitting deep  on the saddle , saying a whoaa.  The horse slowed down , coming back to a slower canter and trotting walk  and  finally stopped , beads of sweat on his horse coat. Thomas was panting slightly. Holding the saddle to go down , he swung his legs  over the horse, pivoting slightly on the stirrups. I whistled and cheered at him as he was walking in my direction , holding with one hand the reins of Roule , removing his equitation cask .

"It was amazing. You were great , I cant believe a beanpole like you can ride like that." I exclaimed , taking back the horse , removing the saddle and picking up hoof pick to clean up the mud and the small pebbles stuck in the hooves of Roule.

"M-Merci , I-I am glad you l-liked it.  You could do that , you know ."

 

I laughed :

 

"In your dreams... I am not a horse  rider. I don't have this elegance and this grace. "

Thomas sighed , he walked behind me and I stiffened as  this bastard pushed me against the  wall :

"That is not what I see.."

 

He laguhed and I loose patience , I pinned him against the wall and kissed  him passionately ,my hands   running on his curlysweaty brown   hair. Suddenly he gasped and pushed me away , as we heard foot steps coming from outside. I fell into the buckets with the grooming and other equipments that all fell on the ground , in a  huge pile. Thomas groaned ,panicked  and helped me to clean the mess as the foot steps voices and the steps  were coming closer.It was the mother , the father and the doctor. Fuck! We forgot    But clumsy as he is , Thomas  got his foot  stuck  inside a bucket , slipped on , and fell on me . I absorbed the pain of the impact , I face palmed and rolled my eyes as he muttered a silent sorry . As I heard him cough , I heard the people coming closer.I panicked   and Thomas looked at him , horrified  , telling me to do something quick  . As they were about to open the door of the cabin of the horse , I  grabbed  a huge bucket and pulled on us. I shove my hand on Thomas mouth , looking at him angrily , motioning him to not talk.  We weren't supposed to be here ! The father of Thomas  opened the door ; Thomas and I froze , pale as fuck. I heard  the doctor say :

"Your farm worker did well on Crydamoure's  wound. All I needed to do was what I am doing now ,  its almost healed. You can train the horse , but be careful. He will be able   to participate to the annual horse show."

 

"We wont race.The sister of Thomas caught anemia   ... She is in hospital right now and the doctor said her state is stable. She is in coma after she tried to kill her sself. We wont do the race without her.  I still got to tell it to my son. He will be in shock."

I looked at Thomas , tears were running down his cheek , I frowned sadly   and pulled him in my arms, hugging him tightly as they left . Thomas was crying silently as he tried hard not to shake but   when they closed the door of the room we were  in  , he gripped my clothes tightly   , falling in my arms  , a screaming sob tearing the silence apart , as he cried even harder . He was in shock. For sure. I almost got broken to see how broken he was . 

"Hey if you want to talk about it..."

 

He pushed me away . Frightened and confused  , I looked at him loosing his mind , totally helpless as he hysterically yelled at me : 

"NO , GO AWAY !  LEAVE ME ALONE.LEAVE ME... GO DO YOUR JOB ."

 

He saddled Roule  and he left me , going to do a race on the wood paths around the farm.

 

I sat on the floor and cried. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry not sorry.  
> If I see one spam I will block it. If it keeps like this ill delete all my fictions.


	8. Fix you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pour toi Britany... c:

I got up. What to do... I was lost. I looked at Crydamoure . And I looked at the empty box of Roule. Crydamoure neighed , neighed and neighed. Until I understood.  What he meant. I opened the door of the box violently. He triumphantly get off of the box in front of me , getting on his back legs , kicking his front leg in the air. I found it beautiful. Because I knew he was fighting against his wound. I knew he wanted me . I knew... now that I need him. I looked at him and hugged his neck , patting his head with adoration. I knew he belonged not to me , but with me. Because I wasn't   his owner. I was his friend. I cried and he pushed my head tenderly with his muzzle. I leaned my forehead and looked at him in the eyes . I needed to find Thomas. I wiped my tears. I decided now , that , even though I could lose my job , even though I was going against conventions , I decided to be myself. I neverknew it   was a struggle. I don't know why it was a struggle. But I didn't care. I saddled Crydamoure. Holding the saddle , my left foot on the stirrup I swung over and got up.

I squeezed my thighs :

"Yep!Yep!"

And the horse trotted outside , proudly. Then we walked. I felt that  Crydamoure was as nervous as me but he was keeping walking until he cantered softly , I saw the father of Thomas running to me , in shock:

 

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING ?"

 

I looked at him and said : 

"Im going to take care of your son that got away with one of your horse. And guess what , its faster with a horse.Got a problem sir ?"

 

"I CAN HANDLE MY SON BY MYSELF , GO BACK TO YOUR WORK . WHY DO YOU EVEN CARE ABOUT HIM ?"

"MERDE ! WHAT A QUESTION TO ASK. JUST BECAUSE I AM WORKER I CANT GET ALONG WITH HIM ? I CANT CARE ABOUT HIM ? YOU CANT TELL HIM WHO TO SEE AND WHAT TO DO , THOMAS HAVE THE RIGHT TO DECIDE  , SIR "

 

His father looked at me , and he spitted it out  , the reality , what I knew and wanted to hear : 

"YOU ARE CORRUPTING HIM !"

And fuck off , now I was loosing my job but damn boy , it worth it totally :

"EXCUSEZ MOI? SO NOW LOVE IS CORRUPTION FOR YOU ? MAYBE THAT IS WHY YOU DESTROYED HIM ! IF LOVE IS CORRUPTION IM SORRY BUT YOU ARE WAY TOO CONSERVATIVE SIR . I AM NOT CORRUPTING HIM. HE JUST WANT TO BE FREE , CANT YOU SEE , HORSES ARE MADE TO RUN FREELY NOT TO BE TURNED INTO FUCKING MACHINE , AND SO , IS YOUR SON. NOW GET OUT OF MY WAY IF YOU WANT HIM BACK !"

 

Trying hard to to cry , Crydamoure trotted and I started to move forward. To move forward to Thomas. To move forward to what I  deserved . I looked straight a head , my heels pointing down , only Crydamoure and Thomas were on my mind . 

 

"YOU ARE  FIRED !! GET BACK HERE !!"

"JE MEN FOU !" I didnt care , I only looked at him when he said :

"ITS ME WHO IS THE OWNER OF CRYDAMOURE GIVE ME BACK THE HORSE."

I said :

"That , sir , is the truth. I am not his owner. I am his friend. "

Shamelessly I  yelled :

"YAH!"

Crydamoure ran away with me. I felt his body moving beneath me. I felt our heart pounding in harmony. The beat of his rapid galloping. The same wind whipping his mane and waving my hair ,  I held tight the reins . I was following the same path of Thomas , I felt in harmony. For the very first time , I felt like myself. For the first time Iknew where   was my place. No where. Free. Independent. Crydamoure neighed , enjoying the thrill of the race , running faster. I laughed with him . 

I was feeling alive. 

Controlling what I do . Is being free. 

 

I slowed down . I saw Roule , eating grass not far and I saw Thomas . He looked back and started running I double my speed , I jumped over a dead tree :

 

"THOMAAAAS!"

 

A big boulder was on my way , fuck off , I jumped over to , looking at Thomas , running. Oh god he was okay. He was about to jump from the cliff. I saved him. I race and when I was close enough I hopped off of Crydamoure finishing my race ...

" I GOT YOU. Oh Thomas, I got you... Thomas...You idiot , why do you want to hurt me like that... Fuck you I love you so much , idiot. "

In his arms

"G-GUY-MAAAANUEL." he sobbed .

I looked at him . I kissed him violently , greedily . Heck. I needed him in my life. I hugged him , my heart beating furiously , our lips sloppily nibbling , my tongue searching for that sweet taste of his. I felt his wet cheeks brushing mine. I was so glad he was alive. I was so glad he was there , I was so glad he loved me. I was so glad I found him. Heck . I know that sound ... childish ... But he was everything to me. We stopped , he hid his face in my chest as I wrapped my arms around and whispered :

"You say I am ice... But why do you think I cant feel when I love you like an idiot... Thomas I need you. I love you . I want you in my life. Really. You drive me crazy , idiot."

 

"I love you to . I am broken. I just want to run away from my parents. I love you but they don't understand. "

 

"I understand you. I am here now.You  are not alone , mon amour . I will fix you. Because you fixed me."

He smiled , my eyes became all teary shit I couldn't see a thing , but I said :

"You have the most beautiful smile ever... Thomas you are stronger than you think and that is what makes you  beautiful to me. One of the many thing that makes you so beautiful. "

He giggled and he kissed him. I smiled and picked him in my arm , making him swirl around as he kissed me . But then we heard horses approaching and we jolted , looking up. 

The father and the mother of Thomas found us. 

Thomas get away from me but I looked at them and I held his hands. He blushed , touched that I wanted to take his defense. His father land on , walking to me .

He was mad as hell

Come on old man , show me what you got. 

I was ready bitches.


	9. Trust

So here I was facing the parents of Thomas. Roule and Crydamoure were behind us , I felt the hot breathe of Crydamoure behind me and somehow it gave me courage. I clenched my fist as Mr.Bangalter opened his mouth : 

"You can leave now. You are of course , leaving the farm , you have one day to pack your things . You are lucky there is no more consequences , little boy. And..."

Thomas move forward and looked down then he face his father. I looked at him worrily , not wanting to get in trouble but he avoided my glance and  declared :

"Dad. I heard you talking with mom and the doctor about my sister . Even if for you seemed to be sad because of the horse show , I was sad because of my sister . Guy-Manuel had nothing to do with my  pain. Please , spare him. He need this job..."

 

"He barely stole a horse , I can forgive him .." retorted Mr.Bangalter , then his wife , a beautiful lady with the same eyes as Thomas stepped aside and looked at me. She looked at me and I shivered ; I couldn't help but feel like she was judging me  differently from her husband. She sighed and said with a soft voice :

"He made huge mistakes. But I believe my son and  he found Thomas . And I think there is a way , since you saw darling , how good Guy-Manuel was with Crydamoure."

I saw the face of Mr.Bangalter change from mad to happy. I could see the sign of dollars shining on his eyes.  

I laughed .

Fucking what ?

"You ask me to ride Crydamoure and  be ready in what 2 or 3 months  for a horse riding contest when  Ill be facing the best riders of Europe , are you kidding what do I win?"

"Money. You will be trained by the staff of the ranch. At least do it for money !"

I looked at Thomas  and I said :

 

"Fine. But Ill do it for your  Thomas and his sister ."

I smiled at  the mother of Thomas and  Thomas and I went on the horse . We left them as I felt the glare of the parents on my back as I looked at Thomas who looked at me back , emotional. I smiled tenderly as he cantered back to the ranch ,  going to see the sister at the nearest hospital . 

***

 

 I waited outside the room , in the horribly white hospital hallway. Thanks to Julian who drove us there , we arrived and she was not sleeping . I leaned my head against the wall. What have I done ... it was crazy to  accept to participate to the horse show with no  experience... As the question  was  formulated in my head , the answer opened the door of the room of Amanda  and said :

" Im going to search for some coffee. Stay with her , Ill be back."

I sighed , holding his hand briefly before entering the room. Not knowing what to say. I looked at her . She was so pale. She didn't deserve all of this . I sat next to her and she growled , mumbling :

 

"My crush coming to meet me... But the one who stole my brother. Life is unfair."

 

I smiled ; people who still make jokes even though they are broken are the strongest one if they find the  strength to smile :

"Are you made at me , Amanda ?"

She whispered :

"No. Because heck , he needed a girlfriend...He told me that you will take my place for the horse show   competition? I know my dad is hard on you , but I want to tell you that you are strong.... Trust yourself.. trust your hose and trust Thomas. But mainly trust yourself."

She turned her head slowly and said : 

" I know not many sees when you fight but I see it. And Thomas see it. Because we all are in the same battle  , handsome guy."

I wiped my tears , looking at her I.V. and the beat of  her heart being monitored . I hesitated but leaned over , kissing her lips quickly , softly. She blushed and looked at me and mumbled :

"My brother is so lucky to have you . Don't change because you are beautiful .

I nodded , Thomas was observing us   and he was smiling , I looked at him and smiled back as hewent into   the room as I heard her sister  saying   :

"You need to go now , lovebirds. You have a future champion to train. "

I sighed and whispered , holding her hand : 

"Stay strong Amanda. Because your family needs you. "

"And Thomas need you , now more than ever. Take care of him. " 

With that , the nurse asked us gently to leave , our visiting time was over and she needed rest. We did and left the hospital , Julian driving us home . Thomas fell asleep on  my shoulder . I kissed his forehead and said  :

"I don't know how I will succeed but all I know is that I'm doing it for you . "

 Thomas grinned in his sleep and Julian smiled , looking back at the road that was leading us back to the ranch. To a huge challenge I had now , to succeed . For Amanda and Thomas.  Mainly Thomas.


	10. Discipline and freedom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short but I needed this because some important thing will happen and the date is like important so yeah ...

''I HATE IT '' 

''You look cute as fuck  ! No , really Guy-Manuel...''

''JEEZE THOSE PANTS ARE SO TIGHT , IT LOOKS LIKE FUCKING LEGGINGS !!! I MEAN I CAN'T EVEN FEEL MY DICK GOD DAMN IT .'' 

First day of trainning. I borrowed the tradition classic horseriding uniform. And suddenly , I really looked like ... rich and white. Nothing but a fucking rich white boy . 

''It really do honour to your last name ,dude.''

''Shut up . ''

Thomas smiled and laughed. I sighed . I was wearing a tight beige pants  , long leather boot ; a short dark blue suit with a  shite shirt and a tie . as well as brown leather glove and a horse riding cask. I had to tie my hair in a tail . The only thing that wasn't really belonging with that look was the cigarette I was smoking. Thomas was just wearing a jean and a t-shirt . Lucky. He could at least breathe ; the pants were so tight that I was hoping , with all my prayers , that I wouldn't have any erection for any reason ; because hell...

''Don't worry Guy-Manuel you'll get use  to it . '' said Julian , looking at me with a mocking grin. '' Sir , do you want me to bring your horse or shall we wait ? '' 

I crushed the cigarette with my boot and mumbled : 

''Sir is telling you to go fuck yourself and yes , you can bring me Crydamoure.''

Julian jumped off the fence and Thomas rolled his eyes. I sighed  , looking at the horse park. I felt someone leaning over the fence , next to me . I whispered : 

''How am I going to do this ? '' 

''I believe in you. You have it ... it's in your blood. Don't worry. '' 

I looked at Thomas who was looking at me , smiling like an idiot. I looked down and replied : 

''But what if...'' 

I gasped of surprised . I couldn't finished because he pressed his lips on mine , wrapping his hands around my neck for me to kiss him more. I accepted , leaning into the kiss as my heart began to drum and pound against my chest .  Thomas was less shy now that he was my...boyfriend , I guess. No don't look at me like that , of course he is my boyfriend.But...it's so new.But yet , it feels so powerfull. I just want to take it slow. So here he was , kissing me like an animal , tugging me against the fence , moaning softly. I really enjoyed the sensation of his lips and his tongue brushing and rolling as we made out but someone cleared his troat and we parted away , him blushing and me scratching my neck , embarassed:

''Here he is .''

I looked up and I smiled , running to Crydamoure who shook his head back and forth as he saw me , trotting in my direction happily. 

''Hey what's up big boy ? '' I said , petting his neck softly as he nuzzled his nostrils close my neck , blowing hot air , appreciating the caress. I smiled as he looked at me ; he was really beautiful , all black . Yeah , he was maybe the most wonderfull horse of the ranch , in my opinion. Thomas joined us and said : 

''Ok . We will start your trainning. As well as the one of Crydamoure. Crydamoure have to learn to. Like jumping , or doing horse figures . If we work hard , I'm sure we can do it . '' 

I looked at him and said : 

'' But . I can't do it without you . '' 

He blushed , smiling softly as he stuttered : 

''I....L-Let's start b-by see how you can t-t-t-t-t-t...''

''Trott ? '' I suggered , laughing silently . He blushed even more : 

''O-Oui. T-T-T-trott.''

Cute. I noded and jumped on the horse. I took the reins and suddenly ... suddenly I felt... 

''I feel gracious.''

Thomas and Julian looked at each other and started to laugh . They couldn't stop . I felt idiot . But , it wasn't that funny. Those bastard wouldn't stop . 

So I laughed of them . I gave a short  kick and Crydamoure started to trott to the park , and even jumped the barrier of the horse. We then waited in the park , waiting for the two clowns to stop laughing. They did , and I saw that Thomas was mind blowned.

''How...How did you do that ? It wasn't perfect but it was really good for an inexperienced horse rider.''

I shrugged : 

'' I am gracious , you fuckers.''

Thomas giggled and said , walking near the horse park  :

''Ok then , well let's really start the trainning !  It's an eventing , so all type of competion will be there , Guy-Manuel In the competion  , first , you'll have to do a  dressage competion ; you will have to do some figures , some trick and some ''horse ballet'' and they will evalutate the execution. Then a race and they will evaluate your speed .   And , for the last , a cross-country : it's like a show jumping but in the nature. Of course , it will have some traditional obstacles you'll have to  jump but the rest will all be in the nature. ''

I frowned : 

''I'm not really worried about the race and the cross-country , but the dressage ? Hell , it's so superficial ! And you really think Crydamoure will agree to do some fluffy puffy classy horse ballets ? I am not in My Little Pony merde ! ''

Thomas sighed : 

''But , you'll have to . The first thing you'll have to learn Guy-Manuel in equitation is to obey . Yes it's important to have a relation with your horse , but he have to obey.''

Crydamoure piaffed and I snorted , annoyed. Obey ? Me ? 

''K.What's first ?''

Thomas sighed sadly and said : 

''Ok...First , the riding position and the trot for the dressage . ''

***

''Your arms Guy-Manuel , lift your arm , and bring them close. You need to bounce WITH your horse and not ON your horse. Squeeze your tighs.'' 

I did as Thomas told me and I felt that Crydamoure was more fluent as he trotted. I could feel him working. I didn't wanted to squeeze ; because I knew it hurted him. 

''Squeeze your tighs ! '' yelled Thomas . 

I growled , fuck I can't kick him . I squeezed and suddenly Crydamoure bucked and neighed . I screamed , being projected in front of the horse . I fell on the ground. Thomas ran to me , screaming : 

''GUY-MANUEL!!''

I growled. Nothing bad , but hell I would feel the pain tomorrow.

''It's ok Thom. It hurted him so he bucked and ...''

Thomas kneeled next to me , taking my hand and making me sit slowly . I blushed   :   
''I'm fine Thomas... But...'' 

I looked at him , breathing loudly and I realized he was blushing and that I was holding him captive just by staring at him deeply : 

''But thanks...''

As he closed his eyes and as I leaned to kiss him...

''Not bad , Guy-Manuel.''

The magic of the moment was being broke by a cold voice. Thomas jolted  opened his eyes and stood up , much like me .

''Dad. What are you doing here ?''

His dad sat on the bench in front of the horse park. 

''Watching the trainning. ''

Thomas bit his lips , embarassed : 

''O-Ok...''

''GO! ''

I frowned . He was being rude to _my_ , Thomas ? Hell no . 

''I'm waiting for my trainner to go . ''

Thomas blushed and smiled to me , like , if it was the best thing I ever told him. He noded and said , with more assurance : 

''Start to trot and try to gain speed .Do it with grace. Remember. ''

I noded and trotted. I tried to keep the pace  , my fingers holding the rein at the height of my belly , I was doing it the best I could. I tried to smiled , to keep my head up as I did. Crydamoure and I did three tour before I heard the father say : 

''Good . But he need to push him more . He don't squeeze the tighs enough . The result is somehow  not as bad as I expected.''

I clenched my teeth and I felt the attitude of my horse change , him to , could feel that the father of Thomas had a bad attitude and energy. Horses feel that : 

''The result should be the same as the way to obtain it . He doesn't have enough harmonius manners. Don't forget to work on it , Thomas . '' 

And he left. I growled and sweared as Thomas ran to meet him , as I jumped off the horse . 

'' WHAT IS YOUR DAD PROBLEM ANYWAY ? '' I said , taking off my cask . 

Thomas took the reins of Crydamoure and we both walked to the box : 

''Well ... I guess he knows it better and...''

I took the arm of Thomas : 

''Thomas. I agree that in equitation you need discipline  , but controlling what you do is being free. You need freedom. In art and in equitation.''

He sighed and held my hand on his arm : 

''You're right...''

He walked Crydamoure to his box as I gave him water and food. I leaned against the box and said : 

''Well , I'm going to take a shower and go home , ok . '' 

I turned my back and walked away , grinning. I felt he was following me he ran to me and said : 

''W-Wait ! WAIT ! GUY-MANUEL ! ''

''Hmm ? '' 

''I have something t-t-t-to a-ask. '' 

I smiled and whispered : 

''Then ask it out white boy . ''

He ran and held my arm : 

''Do you want to ...ugh...go out with me tonight. '' 

I stopped and he stuttered : 

''Well ... There is... there is a cool pizza we can go at... and after well I can take you to the castle it's really pretty and historical , but I was planning to go for the church , it's historical , of course if you want , we can go for the castle b-but...''

''7:00 p.m. Meet me outside in front of the horse park Thomas. ''

I kissed his cheek and ran to my room. He was stunned there. I smiled actually really excited about it but playing cool and smooth . I ran upstairs and threw myself on the bed , happy . I looked by the window and laughed ; Thomas was still there surprised. Then I saw him jump and laugh happily . I shook my head ; he was just adorable . I smiled and borrowed the bathroom to take a shower .

I had a date tonight. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments . Kudos. Both . Both are good :)


	11. Can you feel the love tonight , darlin ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah I told you were here . And I hope you liked my reference , George-Harrisun ;)   
> It's soooooo fluffy and so cute. Just sweetness.  
> It's so adorable ; I never wrote something that ... smooth.   
> Just cuteness. Cuteness.Cuteness.

I was waiting here waiting for Thomas. I wore a black tee and a jean. I was smoking , looking peacefully at the nature around. I heard someone coming to me and I turned my head . Then he hitted my vision. He was wearing a black jean and a jean coat ; he had a tee shirt of The Doors. Even if there would've been a thousand other person with him , he was all that I could see. And all that I wanted to see. But that , I was just bad at expressing it . So I just stared at him with no expression. He slowed down and he blushed.

''Hi.''

''HI.''

Silence.

''We should go before it-it close. '' he whispered.

''Trying to be funny ? '' I said , frowning. He gulped and I wrapped an arm around his hips shortly before parting but staying close to him .

I laughed :

''Come on white boy . '' 

He blushed and said : 

''You can call me Thomas...If you want.''

I looked at him looking at me with his mouth half open : 

''Ok Thomas. ''

He smiled as we walked away of the ranch. He took a deep breathe and shove his hands on his pocket. I asked : 

''So we are walking ? '' 

He snorted , a bit embarassed : 

''I have no car. But ... hum... I have a ...Scooter. ''

He waited , for me to laugh , but I didn't and I said : 

''It's ok I had a vespa when I was living in Paris. But I don't have an helmet with me . '' 

He smiled : 

''No worry I have a golden one waiting for us on the seat. '' 

I looked down. He prepared everything. 

''Cool.''

We walked and eventually I saw a scooter . I laughed and said  :

''I thought you only ride horse. ''

He laughed : 

''I used to . My mom bought me that a  few day after you came here. But I still prefer horse , if you ask me. ''

I waited for him to put his helmet on and settle on the scooter and I sit behind him. I leaned forwards and wrapped my hands around him. He stiffened but then realized I was doing it because I wanted to hang to something . But this thing it was a little bit more than that. He pressed the key and the scooter begin to purr and then we rolled away. I was looking at the houses passing by and I hugged Thomas , squeezing the embrace. I heard him chuckles under his helmet and leaning back . It was soft. It was smooth. I felt like a total idiot. I never felt that way since ...since I hugged Nancy , my ex. I closed my eyes the whole ride . Trying to stop my heart beating so fast . I wonder if he knows...

If he knows I'm afraid of being hurt. 

If he knows I love him. 

If he knows I suck at showing it. 

And the ride came to an end as I saw the small pizzeria at the end of the street. Thomas stopped the engine and took off his helmet. He was smiling at me and I had no choice to smile. He then walked to the pizzeria and I held his hands. It was so warm. I didn't wanted to leave it when it came to open the door. What was happening to me. I was all...fluffy. Was it Thomas ? Was it love. Fuck . I felt like an idiot. Was it that easy to fall in love for him ? Or was it too early ? 

''Guy-Manuel ? '' 

I looked at him and said : 

''Sorry , I was just thinking. ''

''About what. ''

_You_

''Nothing important , really. I'm hungry ! Let's go '' 

He laughed and we entered the so much vintage and kitsch pizzeria . Like it had a jukebox , neon and stuffed pink seat. But somehow ...

''It's so nice. I like retro places. I am found of the sixties.''

_Why do I was talking too much ._

 He smiled :

''Me to ! ''

I watched the neon lights that were used on the bar counter that faced the kitchen. A waitress, black hair tied in a ponytail and wearing a blue and pink apron, totally retro , came to greet us and gave us a table with bench seat. She laid menus in front of us smiling at Thomas of a conspiratorial air:

'' Hello, my name is Dannie and I'll be your waitress tonight. Did I get you something to drink to start with? ''

''A diet coke for me.''Thomas replied.

'' Nothing for me thank you. '' I said, coughing a little. Dannie scored our orders  in her little notebook chuckling, her eyes glaring at   Thomas with curiosity and interest. I frowned waiting for an explanation. Which never came .

'' I'll let you look at the menu, let me know when you are ready! I only have two clients to take care of , tonight . It's a chance to have an intimate atmosphere for a date, is not it? ''

She disappeared into a slight laugh , shoving the notepad in her apron pocket. Thomas turned to me , tousling his curly brown hair  and then explained:

''Dannie's my cousin. I ... I did not know she was working here ,  before she worked at the library...But if I knew she was working tonight , well ...''

Thomas looked visibly annoyed, but I hastened to reassure him:

''Oh , it's okay, I thought it was your ex or something.''

He burst of pure, crystalline laughter by opening the menu:

'' Oh no ... I've never been in love in my life. I had some dates, but no serious relationship ... ''

I chewed nervously  my cheeks, feeling that probably  , we would talk about it .After  we both looked at the menu, Thomas and I decided to share a pizza all-dressed with Caesar salad. Waiting we talked about everything and nothing:

''But , don't you think that Metropolis is a bit communist ? By the way Freder is the symbol of the first negociation ? ''

Thomas frowned and leaned to emphase a point , his voice getting a bit higher as he would talk about something that interested him ,even talking over you , sometimes :

''Y-Yes. But , but, I really think that it's not the major theme , you know . I believe that the fact that the robots and the machine are there to symbolize the chaos is more important to the critique the movie itself does.''

''I agree , but a 1927 movie won't make me think that robots are not cool . Ah. Think of C3PO .''

''C3PO is a direct reference to the Metropolis movie , you know right . ''

I smiled and rolled my eyes  , ignoring everything around me and only focussing on the conversation : 

''Who doesn't know that , anyway ? ''

Thomas blushed : 

''Well...all the other people... I-I have no one to r-really talk about those s-subject. They think I'm a nerd.''

''Loving cinema doesn't make you a nerd. It just make you look passionate...That's it. It's art ...''

He looked at me , smiling. We looked at each other in a soothing silence before he whispered : 

''Strange but...I feel that y-you ...hem , a-are...''

''Ready to command ? ''

Thomas and I took a minute to come back to the other world , since we were in a own intimate bubble . He smiled , shaking off his thoughts before stammering : 

''Yes. The all-dressed pizza. For two. And...The cesar salad.''

She noted and said : 

''Ok. It comes with half pasta or half french fries. '' 

We looked at each other and we said at the same time : 

''Pasta.''

We blushed , laughing as Dannie was writing everything down , bringing our drinks and , in that smiling sigh , leaving us alone. Then , we heard a voice at the speaker singing . 

''This is a request song from the table 1 . You are listenning to ''She Loves You '' by The Beatles. And we heard the jukebox playing the song. My eyes widened : 

''Oh they take musical special demand.''

Thomas noded as he sipped his diet coke : 

''You pay like what  50 cent and they play your song. Of course it's all retro song.''

I noded , and idea on my mind. I smiled and said : 

''I'm going to the washroom.''

Thomas followed me with his eyes and said : 

''Ok! If our plates arrive I'll wait for you.''

I wasn't really going to the washroom. I actually sneaked up to the kitchen , and called Dannie. She turned on her heels , two plates of lasagna on her hands and smiled : 

''Oh , oui sir ? ''

I blushed and I whispered : 

''What is the favorite band of Thomas . '' 

She giggled , she seemed to appreciate romance because I was fearing she would just scream and start to like , trip . But no , she understood and whispered happily : 

''The Doors , but The Beach Boys is his favorite. Try Darlin.''

I smiled  , giving her 50 cent :

''Can you just not mention from who it is ? ''

She noded , a pink blush on her cheek . She pinched mine and said : 

''You look beautiful together. I'm so glad he finally found someone cute ! ''

She sighed dreamily , leaving me alone to go served the client. I remained there , paralysed. 

 Found someone ? Was I his boyfriend . Not that I don't wanted to...But... Was I ready ? I shrugged . One thing was sure . I loved him. I came back and I saw that Dannie had brought the food. And Thomas , of course , was waiting . I made my way to our table and sat down. He smiled and whispered .

''Bon apétit.''

''Same to you.'' 

 I looked at the pasta an commented : 

''Damn , their spaghetti are really long ? '' 

Thomas frowned and said : 

''Not as long , usually but whatever. It's good.''

Suddenly , Darlin started. I tried HARD not to smile because I saw the face of Thomas lit up as they announced to the mic : 

''This is a request from one client. You are listenning to Darlin , by The Beach Boys.''

Thomas eyes widened as he screamed : 

''Hey I love this song ! '' 

I smiled , pricking with my fork into some pasta , taking some in my side of the large plate we were sharing as well as a slice of pizza , eating my ceasar salad : 

''Really...What a ...coincidence.'' 

I saw he was smiling  , laughing and I knew he knew it was me but he didn't said anything. He took some pasta and started eating ... We could ear Brian Wilson singing the soft love song...

 

> **_Don't know if words can say_ **   
> **_But darlin' I'll find a way_ **

''Thanks Thomas...for this ...date.It's really sweet of you.''

I heard him gulped and blushed  :

''Date...You really ... Want it as a date ? Like officially ? ''

 

> **_To let you know what you meant to me_ **   
> **_Guess it was meant to be_ **

''Really.'' I said , this time  , with no hesitation. I finished my salad before moving to the pasta . I took his hands and I saw him slowly looking up at me until our eyes met and locked ...

 

> _**I hold you in my heart** _   
> _**As life's most precious part** _

He blushed  , starting to eat a noddle at the same time as me , blushing ; I didn't removed my hand. Instead, I squeezed it. The food was delicious. But not as much as the boy I had in front of me. I felt ... I felt I was...

 

> _**Oh darlin'** _

Falling in love again. It was too late to go back . I frowned , the plate was large so there was a Thomas side and my side of the plate. But damn , I was still eating pasta and couldn't finish ! Or maybe...

 

> _**I dream about you often my pretty darlin'** _   
> _**(Darlin' you're so fine)** _

Still following where the noddle was ''going'' I stood up , strange , at the same time as Thomas. Then I realized as the noddle was leading us and forcing us to bend over the pizza , our hearts beating like the fastest horse alive . And eventually , I could feel Thomas coming closer and closed my eyes , as it came naturally. 

 

> **_I love the way you soften my life with your love  
>  Your precious love uh huh oh_ **

I kissed him , swallowing before but eventually I cupped his face as our lips met and pressed , like if they were two magnets seeking for each other's pole. I felt his lips shoving in my tongue and raised my eyesbrow , we were not alone. I parted softly , not yet opening my eyes , trying to recover from this passionate kiss and romantic , I had to admit , gesture. From the corner of my eyes , I saw Dannie , leaning on the jukebox , who winked at me and go talked to a client who wanted his bill . I laughed and Thomas , shaking but leaning on the seat , opened his mouth and said : 

''Guy-Man I lo...''

I pressed my finger on his lips , his lips opened and , as sweat was starting to form on my forehead , I traced the line of his plumpy lips , going inside as he , discretly , let out a small moan . 

''Shhh...'' I whispered , grinning and blushing ''Save it for later...This date is not over.''

His eyes opened and we continued to eat in silence .

*** 

Dannie , later on , gave Thomas the bill who paid everything, ignoring my protest . She then waved at us as we left , walking to the parking lot. It was about 9 or maybe 9:30 . I sighed happily , listenning to the music of the night of the french countryside ; crickets whining , sometimes some  frog singing . It was so soothing , adding to that Thomas who was holding my hand , the night was perfect. I didn't wanted to go home and Thomas whispered , so softly and so tenderly that i felt he was just humming silently : 

''I ...Know a beautiful place , we can go and walk around. The Castle of Belesbat. It's not far. ''

I just noded and we rode to the castle , surrounded by great large lawn lands and a rocked path , surrounding the castle , longing by oak and chestnut tree. Then , in the center , stood the beautiful castle : Originally the castle is flanked by 4 towers, and the whole is surrounded by moats. Consisting of a main building with gate, the gate is flanked by two brick towers. The conical roofs are covered with slate. According to Thomas , the red bricked castle was build in  the Fifteenth century . With his water moats , his small towers and his beautiful but simple architecture ; it looked like a fairy tale. And Thomas and I were walking , under the trees , on the path leading to the gate , hand and in hand alone in the night. 

''When I was kid , mom used to take me there. I was always running in the castle , and when tourists asked me what I was doing I would just said : '' don't you  see ? I'm fighting dragons.'' ''

I laughed , listenning to him with attention : 

'' I wanted to become a knight. Then  a DJ.''

My eyes widened : 

''Really.''

He smiled with melancholy : 

''Yes I even produced my own mix for the dressge competions i've done , and I had some tracks . But my parents didn't like it. They wanted me to be something else so all I did as an acitivity , except for the school in my life , was equitation . ''

I sighed : 

''I understand how it feels.I got kicked out of my  home because I told my mom all I wanted to do was being a DJ.''

He frowned sadly : 

''Oh I'm sorry... ''

I chuckled and waved my hand : 

''That's nothing. Anyway , last year , I needed to take a break from that environment you know. From Paris , I was unhappy and broken... So I bought a one way ticket to here. And here I am , holding your hand.'' 

He laughed but then went silence.

Damn. It would happen. The question. I knew what would come after .

''Guy-Manuel? ''

''Hm? ''

He slowed down , still holding my hand . I turned to face him . He was blushing , his long face was all red . 

''What...what are we ? '' 

I stiffened and didn't replied. He said : 

''Because... I know... like don't pretend there is nothing between us. I know... it started so quickly. But you are so dear to me ... And I wonder if it was...serious ? ''

Silence. 

Another silence. 

I had to reply , but what ? My head was heavy , I felt dizzy , trying to breathe but missing oxygen and I looked completly confused and shocked when I said : 

''Serious ? Well...Listen Thomas... I mean...I don't want to hurt you...''

Silence. His eyes watered . I didn't know what to do . I didn't expected that. He ran away , in the castle. I came back from this stupid paralysia and ran after him. He went in the center of the castle and was crying. I approached him , he was crying on the main stairs . He screamed : 

''I knew it. ''

I came to him and said : 

''Thomas listen to me...''

''I knew it . I knew it .. I knew it . I...''

''THOMAS , BORDEL LISTEN ! ''

He gasped. Stopping and looking at me : 

''I... Am not good for showing emotion . The last time I showed my emotion . She ... destroyed me. She hurted me so much I had to leave... I had to leave Paris because everyone was just using me out there and I was sick of being hurt. Sick of this old life merde. I'm weaker then I let you know. Don't ask me to jump a wall if it looks to tall , but for you I had to do it. And  I did. I even rode a horse . And here I stand . ''

I walked to  him , breathing so fast : 

''Listen. For me , it's you that is the prince that came to save me and took me away on his horse right. I am not a prince. And I don't believe in fairy tailes. Or love. Like in the movie because as far as I experienced. There were no happy end for me , it seems. ''

I took his hands and stood him up . I bring them close and  pulled him closer , looking at him with all my heart. 

''What are we.. I don't know.But I know who you are for me. Someone I want to love. Someone I want to try to love. Someone...who made me believe in love again. Love scares me Thomas. But being with you ... is the opposite. It started so quick ... Now I want to start it ... I don't know how to ask. Because , before you I didn't what love was. I never ... loved until you  , I feel .''

He was still crying but , not with the same tears neither the same emotion . I whispered , leaning my forehead on his , closing my eyes , my voice shaking :

''So please...Be mine.Give me a chance. Give me a chance because I need you.''

He gasped and took my face in his hands , kissing me . I groaned as our lips opened and as our tongue met . Greedily , I brushed mine along with his . I nibbled his lips as he moaned , my hands grabbing his waist and my hand on his nape , playing with his amazing curly hair. I was so warm , shivering and shaking with love and desire. I was craving for his touch . I heard him panting as he was kissing me , french kissing me like if he needed it to live. It felt so good ; it was  , in deed , addictive. I tugged him against the wall . My pelvis pressed on his as he wrapped his arms on  my back , our lips licking and exploring each other's mouth . Our hands frenetically searching for skin to touch or clothes to grab and clutch . Time has stopped . Until , panting  , we parted , our kissing session slowing down. A pink blush appeared on his cheek , his half open mouth was lustered with moist and I could feel his heart pounding against mine , as we were chest to chest and almost nose to nose. I sighed and gasped , leaning my head on his head as he smiled lovingly wrapping his arms around me , still back against the wall . 

''Now it's ...You can say it Thomas.''

He smiled , his hands petting my hair with no shame  : 

''Je t'aime Guy-Manuel . '' 

I opened my eyes and tears fall  . I nuzzled my face in his coat , ashamed. He rested his chin on my head holding me tight . And I whispered , dazzled by how cute he was : 

''What is it so easy to fall in love with you , white boy . ''

He laughed and whispered , kissing my head all over with small kisses : 

''I am asking the same question every day since we've met. ''

I sighed . I guess...I guess I had the right to allow myself to  fall in love again. Who could judge me ? I loved him. Even if it was strange  , I really loved him. He giggled and I looked up at him , as I felt a wave of goosebumps going down from my spine as he said : 

''If I tell you we are boyfriend . You won't leave me. '' 

I looked at me silently and before kissing him again I whispered :

''Non. I won't . I got no ticket for a way back anyway .''

***

We lied on the lawn , staring at the stars. He had his head on my chest and I was petting his hair , playing with the curve of his curls  , wondering and dazzling of the beauty of my new boyfriend. His eyes was half closed as he was drawing soothing circles on my chest. The grass was so soft. The air , was warmth and humid . We could sense wild lavender fragrance as well as the freshly mowed hay smell in the air. The milky moon bathing the scene in a velvty white halo . Never the night has looked so soothing and suave. All we heard was the sound of the cricket as we looked at the twinkling sparkling star , in the dark sky , that were like if someone blowed white pixie dust on a black canvas. It was beautiful . 

''Wow...''

Thomas sighed and whispered , of a shy voice : 

''Yes...it is. This night is perfect.''

''As you .''

He blushed and looked up at me , a cute sincere smirk on his angelic face as he rest his chin on his palm : 

''You're not that heartless. You're not as bad as you think for showing your emotion . '' 

I smiled and we kept watching in silence the sky. Then we saw a shooting star. Thomas held my hand tightly and said : 

''OH , UNE ÉTOILE FILANTE ! Make a wish , make a wish .'' 

He closed his eyes , and wished. But me , I just looked at him , smiling. I wished to win the race for him and his sister. I wished that he would stay with me for  a long time. I wished for this summer to never end. 

He opened his eyes and I leaned , nuzzling my face in his chest. Then he sat down , his arms lying on the grass as I rested my head in his lap , looking up at him looking down at me. It was.... special , but somehow , not embarassing. It was cute. He didn't said anything , he was just inspecting every features of my face as I was doing the same. I heard him whispering. ''why are you so beautiful.'' I laughed , kissing his palm as he was stroking my cheek . 

''We need to go back home or your parents will kill you . '' I said , not really wanting to go home. He smiled and kissed me . I grabbed his neck , raising my palm to bring him closer , begging for more . 

''Do you want to stay with me tonight. Please ? '' 

I smiled and sighed : 

''Not a question to ask . Of course yes , you bastard.''

He smiled and we stared at each other , for the millionth time. But it was like , every time I stared at him . I was staring at what I was always searching. He was like the clue to my life. And I felt , that in fact , the ticket I bought at the station wasn't for a new life. But a new someone. A new oppurtunity to see the things in another vision. And that opportunity was him. 

''I bought a One Way Ticket to you.''

He blinked and dreamily whispered : 

''Hm..what ? What did you said .''

I laughed and stood up . 

''Nothing . Come on let's go . If you're a good boy tonight. Maybe I'll let you smoke with me.'' 

He laughed and took my hand , heading back to the scooter. As we ride back to  the ranch , I thought that we had to train early tomorrow. I looked at Thomas , and closed my eyes  , leaning my head on his back , purring in affection. He speed up , and I lost control . I let all the details go . In the end , it always came back to him. All the roads were taking me to him. I could feel alive. It's all about that. About this feeling  we had.And I looked back on these neon lights , passing by as we rode down to the ranch. I felt so young. I felt so good. I felt that all my life . Was complete. But I was maybe just , in fact , high on love. He looked back , shortly at me. I could see him smiling under the helmet . 

I could see my life beginning to suddenly , make sense.


	12. Tongue tied

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was writing this and giggling like a fucking bastard.   
> THIS IS SO SMUTTY .  
> SO SMUTTY
> 
> Warning : NSFW :)))) <3

Thomas and I were laughing silently as he opened the door of the back of his house. I asked him what about his parents but he said his parents bedroom was on the first floor and that they won't hear us. The thrill was indeed to walk in front his parent's bedroom to reach the stair. Our heart pouding like a basketball that we drible , we climbed the stair with excitation but carefully , as we were afraid of being caught. The way to the bedroom was longer than usual. All I saw was nothing. All I could felt, was Thomas holding my hand , leading me in the dark . We could see nothing but it was like we were on autopilot. The sound of my heart beatinh echoing in my head , the butterflies in my belly seemed to be unstoppable. My foot hitted the last step of the stair and the clammy hand of Thomas squeezed my wirst to the left , running on the tip of his toes. His bedroom was not that far. But it looked like we had to walk one mile to finally reach it. But anyway Thomas stopped at the door. Shakily , he grasped the locker and opened it. Turning on the light but dimming it right away. When the light dimmed , I knew what we would do. First , my eyes wondered freely , looking at this new environment. 

 

His room was not to big but not to tiny. The walls brown : on the left wall, we could see a small wooden desk with papers , books and vinyls. A green lamp was standing here. A chair with two pillows. Pictures of Thomas and his family or friends were covering the wall as well as some articles talking about him. Aside the desk , we could see a  library with varioud book about horse , or just classical novel. I noticed Thomas had 2 novel of Georges Orwell. The last sheft of the library was entirely dedicated to the vinyls of Thomas. In fact, two box lined the wall  , filled with vinyls. The vinyl player was placed on the top of two speaker , a ghetto blaster , an old rolland synthesizer and a small sequencer. Tangled cables were lying on the floor, in the middle of the room on the red carpet. 

The right wall was covered with posters of movies and music band. The Doors , Metropolis , Star Wars , The Beach Boys , Chic and some other like Charplin or Jimmi Hendrix. We couldnt see the wall. His bed , enough large to comfortably be two in it , was facing a futon and  a verry small tv with a nintendo 64  placed on the top. The blankets were fluffed , and puffy pillows orned it . I grinned as my glance came back to Thomas , lankily standing there. Waiting for a reaction. He gasped and said :

"It-it-it ... I..II..."

I raised my eyebrows , waiting for something that makes sense. 

"H-how....I..."

I giggled and walked to him . He stared at me , blushing and obviously sweating. I flicked my tongue before saying :

"Breathe. "

He looked down and said :

"You leave me ... Tongue tied all the time , I just feel like an idiot. When  I am with you."

I took a step closer to him ,he was looking down. I grabbed his hips and pulled myself even more closer. My lips were brushing his collar bone since he was taller than me. I felt him shivred when I said ;

"Now . What do you wanted to say?"

He murmured , his hands holding my forearm firmly:

"How do you find it ? "

I giggled :

"Your room is fine. But im not interested in it right now"

He opened his eyes that widened to look down at me. He remained Tongue Tied for a short instant . Then , a pink blushed appeared on his cheek and he smiled , whispering :

"Oh Guy-Manuel...."

I moaned at how sexy my name sounded in his mouth before he cupped my face to kiss me greedily. His tongue , with no waiting and hesitation , shoving in my mouth to find mine. I shivered. It was so delicious to suck his tongue . I could feel his wet plumpy lips sliding , moving , modeling and working on mouth. I couldnt catch a breathe. 

Our hands were hovering and flirting happily on each orthers body grabbing , touching, caressing ... It was so beautiful...In his arms , I felt complete .

I looked at him , at how shy he was . I understood what it felt . What it felt to make love for someone new. I was afraid ... Because It was my second time. I promised myself not to fall in love again. And I did. And then , I slowed down , first to catch my breathe , and second , to realize what I was doing. For a second Thomas spotted my hesitation and for a moment we were like paralysed : motion in suspension for a short time before I looked at him , and whispered :

"Just don't ...fuck it we are young . "

He grinned and pulled me on the bed , softly , almost quietly , we took off our shirt , in the skinny light sheet of the moon staring at us by the window. In the cozy warm night , his hands were like shooting stars trailing on my chest in which my heart was pressed against my rib cage , pounding as loud a war drum just before a final fight , a final strike down to victory . So here were , making out like our last time even though it was our first time together. Our bare chest softly brushing and our lips gently sucking hickeys , bones , thumbs , nape , nipples and jaw :

always though, coming back to our mouth as a source of energy and of life. He groaned and straddled me. I blushed ; I didnt knew that side of Thomas... Or maybe ...maybe i've fallen for his eyes but they don't know him yet and don't know , in that case , him also. But he was all mine to discover. I grabbed his booty. Because his little cute booty was life ... I can't believe I wrote that out. Hope he will never find this diary. Nevertheless , as I did he blissfully moaned into my ear (so hot) and it made my dick doubling its size . He "felt" that as that bastard started to grind on me like if he was twerking at the club ( note for myself for things to before my death : see Thomaf twerking) He grinned , slowing down as he applied more pressure with his pelvis rubbing with that kinky perve grin that annoyed but teased me so much. Proof was that I was panting . I tugged my pants down and he gasped as he felt the lump against his crotch. He smiled and tugged down his own pants. We blushed at the same time , having the same dirty idea. We pulled down our pants and I felt his erection against mine . Then we started to rub our dicks together. Damn . Weird. But so good. I could feel his precum dripping on my groin , smearing on my belly and on my tighs. I stared at him and , smiling , I putted one finger inside. ... His eyes widened , he tensed up and bucked his hips , squirming like a worm.

I nibbled his ears as he stammered hoarsely :

"Hurt!Hurt!Hurt!"

Confident , I said :

Relax. And it won't hurt. " He looked at me blushing and I smiled . I brought his long face to mine and kissed him as I started to prepare that lovely ass by fingering him slowly. He went all breathy,panting in my neck and in almost one minute he was wiggling of pleasure , pushing down for more to go inside him. I blushed and whispered :

"If you want it... We can ..."

He presented me a box of condoms and a lubricant tube :

"I have everything! Euh-euh ...chéri?"

He closed his eyes embarassed of calling me that name. I reassured him and said :

"Do you want me to ...pull the condom mon...amour ?"

He jolted , looking up with a pale tone then a red red as tomatoe face :

"O-oui. If you w-want it ..."

I smiled and pulled the condom on my cock. I flipped him on his belly ; i was taking him in doggy style.

He gasped as I teased him with my head but then I whispered :

"Relax... " And I thrusted inside. "AAAaAAmmmhhmnnnm"

He covered his mouth with his hand not to scream out loud. He panted. He moaned. And then , he relaxed his pain moans turning into groans as I thrusted in him , my cocking hitting him at a steady pace . I granbed his hips an rocked him down to hit him deeper with every thrust. He grasped the sheets , small gasps or moanings noises escaping from his half open mouth.

He had such an amazing back and ass ;

"You are so tight around my cock and so warm . Merde . It . Feels . So. Fucking. Good." I growled .

"Oui-oh oui , G-Guy-Manuel ! Harder ! Faster!" I gave all I got and started to hit him and out , feeling adrenaline rushing in my blood like a drug . I was sweaty. He was moaning . Panting. But we felt together. He grabbed his cock stroking it softly as I hitted his scrotum. He gasped and I did it again . I moaned , going hard and wild. I growled as I pressed my chest on his back , pushing my dick entirely in his ass : he moaned and I gave small thrusts like that and then :

"Cc-cumming-g!" I growled as he came , white ribbons smearing his belly and I gasped , at this view , feeling the pleasure invading my body, my mind and my soul :

"Ah, Thomas..." I came in a final thrust , he grinned and whispered , as I pulled off :

"I-it was my-my first time..." I stiffened :

"Oh...oh? " He snorted , awkardly mumbling :

"Sorry. If inexperimented." I threw the condom to the garbage and whispered :

"That just explains why it hurted. Other than that you were amazing !why didnt you told me ? "

He lied on the bed , under the blanket . Muffled shy voice :

"I was afraid of you mocking me." I frowned and lied under the blanket. I brought him in my arm , cuddling .

I took a second to confirmed what I made up in my mind :

"What kind if boyfriend am I if I mock you?"

He gasp , his beautiful eyes wide as the moon. I saw him smile. He wrapped his arms around me and told me :

"Je t'aime . "

I sighed happily , as he fell asleep and said :

"Je t'aime aussi , mon cowboy." He grinned in his sleep and I fell asleep to , listening to his soothing heart beat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i warned you . LEAVE KUDOS !


	13. From a farmboy to horse rider

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a contest , and challenge .  
> Who ever finds correctly all the song references and post them in the comments will win a fanfiction especially for them . With all their favorite OTPS and shit. Good luck ! 
> 
> A hint : All ends with beginnings its our new state of mind.

Weird. My body feel so warm. Nice. So soft. Comfortable...Wait...Wait...I looked around. Wow. I was in the bedroom of Thomas , sleepily I remembered. Then I looked at our hands. Aw. We fell asleep holding each other's hand ? I smiled. I leaned my face just at the border of his elbow and looked at him with bedroom eyes. He was so beautiful . So charming. I didn't wanted him to wake up . I just wanted to stare at him . In the morning. I smiled and whispered , making sure he was sleeping : 

''Oh Thomas... if you knew how much you change me. Even though I promised I won't fall in love again. But man... You got me hard.''

I petted his hair , oh , how soft they were ! Silk could be jealous of them .

''I love you so much. And I will never regret this ticket I bought at the Gate 22... I've changed. No , I'm changing. You change me. And I don't know if I should be scared but... I love you so much. So I guess , you won't hurt me... but i'm still scared...what will you do if I give you my heart.''

Thomas smiled in his sleep and mumbled:

''Will keept it. Your heart.''

I gasped , flustered : 

''You...You are awake .''

He opened his eyes softly , oh god... Two brunette eyes. Two brilliant hot chocolate hazel  delicious eyes. Only for me. I melted as he whispered :

''Yes...sorry. '' he smiled ''That was a good love declaration , Guy-Manuel.''

I chuckled : 

''You regret nothing that happened yesterday ? ''

He laughed and kissed me softly , too much lazy to actually move more toward me : 

''No. Because I love you Guy-Manuel. And no , I don't want to hurt you . Or leave you .''

I looked down : 

''They all told me that. They all told me they weren't typical.And then...''

He grasped my hands : 

''But that is different with me. You...owe me nothing. Because I don't want to like kill this summer love. Let's see how far this summer can last. And just live it . As long as the sun can shine for you and me.''

I grinned looking at him blushing : 

''You are such a dork Thomas. A romantic but cute dork.''

He sighed happily and laid in my arms : 

''Let's cuddle all the day.''

I grinned : 

''No , no ! We have work today. Remember ,  I have to win a competition by the end of the summer. Oh and I have work on the farm to do . And I need my teacher to train me. But , what a shame  , I've fall in love with him and now he is stucked in my arms. ''

Thomas snickered: 

''Hum. The teacher's first homework is : no school today.''

I sighed : 

''But Thomas. We can't ...your parents...we have to wake up , before them...or else they will know.''

 Thomas looked at me and noded , grumpily. He swayed his long legs out of the bed and looked at me . I smiled , still lying on the bed , looking at him .His head was leaning against his right shoulder, his chest and his top-body slightly turned towards me, his palms flat on the mattress, his long arms formed a right angle with his back .I looked at Thomas of an gainst-diving perspective , he was so tall and even more when I was lying down , looking up at him . The features of his face  were illuminated by the warm summer morning light, his curvaceous and luscious lips highlighted by the light that illuminated a part of his long warm face, and that made some bronzed reflects on some locks of his   hazel curls,  all tangled and shaggy. His skin was blemish , maybe because he was standing his back turned against the window  where the light was mainly coming from. He was wearing tight blue boxer. 

He looked at me . Maybe because I was staring at him for 20 minutes and then he blushed. He giggled and looked down . Then he smirked and asked : 

''What ? ''

''What 'what' ? '' 

He sighed , but never stopped smiling , staring deep into my eyes . He whispered  : 

''Why are you staring like me like that.''

I smiled but never stopped staring :

''Because you're beautiful.''

He blushed and mumbled something , before walking to his wardrobe to take a tight pair of jeans and a red t-shirt . I giggled and started to dress myself in a pair of jean and a t-shirt. I sighed and said : 

''I have to pick up the eggs this morning in the hen-house. ''

Thomas noded and said : 

''Don't forget we are trainning together today . ''

I frowned , confused : 

''Together ? Wait , I thought you were the one who is trainning me.''

He blushed and voiced with apprehension: 

''Well , if something happens to you ... I will replace you . What about I join you outside with two croissants and we eat that together near the hen house . ''

I smiled and said ; 

''Sound good ! Meet me there when you're ready !''

I was about to leave but then I stopped as I was about to pass the door frame. I smiled and turned my heels , running quietly to Thomas who gasped , surprised but then smiled as I kissed him. He clutched my t-shirt as one of his arm was wrapped around my neck . I smiled and pulled him off of me , I chuckled as he stared at me all blushy and breathy. Quietly , I ran downstairs , opened the door and walked to the hen house , taking a bucket  , grinning like an idiot...

Hell... I was in love. 

*******

The henhouse was a small yellow wooden barn with several chicken coops inside . Outside , we could see a small barnyard where chickens , goose , ducks and turkeys would run freely , pecking some seeds or kernels . I climbed over the fence surrounding the yard. I never understood why there was an outdoor shower right next door, provided with a basket of clothes and towels. It was pretty strange ...Anyway , walking in the barnyard with my empty bucket , I took out my keys as I walked to the entrance of the henhouse . I turned the key into the lock of the padlock holding the doors of the barn. In a metallic  noise , the padlock opened and fell to the ground. I picked it up and stuffed it  in a pocket of my jeans, entering inside and closing the doors quickly after me  , as I was facing  the henhouse.

  I looked around to see where were the eggs and the chicken coops where eggs were . The henhouse wasn't small but not that big , so I wouldn't spend too much time running around. Laying hens, sixty clucking hens waddling around, were all hatching eggs ... Although there is no rooster and it was useless . I sighed ... Because I knew that  the Bangalter hens were known to attack anyone who would dare to take their eggs ... Some eggs were in chicken coops, but I saw eggs on straw disposed on the ground. I walked in , and suddenly the hens all stopped to stare at me. I heard some intrigued and worried cluckings of them . One curious hen even started to come in my direction . And the hen was looking at me . I saw in her eyes that she was willing to defend her fucking eggs until the death. I smiled , my two hands shaking at the height of my hips , my bucket firmly gripped and my eyes squinted. I started to walk towards the herd of hens , whispering , and walking slowly like a tiger hunting down his prey :

''I hate to do it ladies... but you'll have to give me your eggs ...I have some work to do in the field and a breakfeast with my boyfriend today...I don't want to spend my whole day running after you . After all , you're nothing but possible Chicken McNugget meat so if you think I'm afraid...''

I slowly , slowly kneeled down . As a ninja getting ready to attack. My hand was approaching an egg who  laid on straw, close to the ground. The hens began to shake as my fingers touched the shell of the egg. Time of waiting and silence before the battle. then: 'AH! '' I seized the egg stuffing it in my bucket with a triumphant smile but I knew I had just start a war. The hen chased me while I was taking all the eggs on the ground, at least those I could. Now the 69 hens from the henhouse were hunting me, pecking my feet, head and hands jumping on me. My bucket was filled at least of twenty eggs. But I could not see because I was trying to fight back against sixty-nine raging chickens, without letting go of my bucket. One of the hens climbed on my head, fluterring her wings furiously:

''Arghhhh! , FUCK! GET OFF ! ''

The hens were cackling furiously . I got all the eggs and I was now running outside , I pushed the buckets away as I closed the doors of the henhouse , locking the padlock. But as I was on the henhouse yard I saw an egg ! I forgot one , I ran to take it but a goose ran in my direction and pinched or pecked my crotch , hissing at me . I yelled of pain , my hand between my tighs as I fumbled and fall on the mud . I moaned , disgusted and I heard the goose cackled as if she was laughing at me.

I sat on the mud and looked at myself ; damn  , my clothes were stained with mud and I was stinking like hell . I needed a shower . My eyes widened as I looked at the shower ; that was why.

I sighed and walked to the shower . First I looked up for the clothes and found a t-shirt and  a jean who seemed to be my size. I tossed them away and get in the shower with a tiny and so much hiding  curtain. But it was 6 O clock and no one was awake yet. I shrugged and pressed a button ; the water was cold but it didn't bother  me . I took out a biological soap and started to rub myself , tousling my long hair . 

I rubbed all my body , massaging my crotch , the pain slowly fading away. It was still verry sensible  . Suddenly I stopped as I felt someone was watching me from behind. I smiled , knowing exactly who it was : 

''Thomas. If you think I don't see you . ''

I heard someone fumbling into some empty buckets and I heard mumbled groans. I chuckled as I stopped the water , completly clean this time. 

''H-H-How ... d-did you knew I was here ? ''

I smiled and replied : 

''I saw your shadow on the barn doors. Please , can you pass me a towel . '' 

''S-Sure !  ''

I heard his footsteps coming close to the shower and then I saw him , behind the curtain , taking a white towel clumsily. He then looked at the curtain . And I looked away , blushing. I could tell he was smiling shyly as he whispered :

''How do I ...give it to you ?''

I took a step out , hiding my crotch. I was all red when I snapped: 

''NOW GIVE ME ! ''

''RELAX ! ''

He threw the towel in my face and I quickly grabbed it . I grabbed my clothes and then I said :

''Hold the towel side by side while I get dress.On this corner . '' 

Thomas noded and spread the towel on a small corner , his long arms holding it like a panel hiding my nudity. I thanked him and took my boxer and my jean first. His face was all blushy and he was looking away as I was dressing up . I zipped the jean ; it was perfect. I grabbed a white or more pale grey  t-shirt with black tiny line on the edge short sleeve and on the bottom of the waistline. The jean was tight but I guess it was ok. Thomas looked down at me and I smirked as I walked and pressed my lips against his . He jolted but close his eyes , blushing as he kissed me deeply. We then pulled off , laughing , and I made him laugh even more when I told him about the henhouse accident. We were walking to the table , where Thomas brought the croissants , some [Bonne Maman](http://www.bonnemaman.ch/fr/catalogue-confitures-c1.php#!category=1&product=20) appricot jelly jam  and two [Oranginas](http://fr.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orangina) bottle : 

'' Yes our hens are crazy. But their eggs are good. ''

I sighed , sitting near the  table outside : 

''It's only the beginning. I have other work to do ; going in the field , taking care of the horse and trainning. I never stop .''

Thomas nods and said : 

''Working on a farm is hard. But it's cool you know. The nature... I find it soothing. ''

I looked around , smiling . Ilooked back at Thomas who blushed and smiled . I murmured : 

''Yes , it's really soothing. '' 

 He looked down  , blushing again. He opened his mouth but all he could say was some stuttering sounds ,  sipping my soft drink I softly said : 

''Breathe.''

He breathed and I chuckled :

''Now...What do you want to say . '' 

''Tomorrow... there is a party... a free-party with DJ ... oh it's small , it's at Julian's house. I wondered if you wanted to go with me. A-And...if you want ... we can well go after your day , do a ride on the fields and the forests , r-right ? ''

I finished my croissant and noded : 

'' Both. Both is good. And ... who is the DJ for the party . ''

He squirmed on his chair as he sipped his Orangina and he whispered in an almost ashamed voice : 

''M-Me.''

My eyes widened and I smiled : 

''It's great ! Now I will have the chance to hear you performing!''

He looked down and quaked: 

''I wondered...if you wanted...t-t-t-to...''

I leaned , tilting my head : 

''It's been a long time since I ever touched to a sequencer and a mixing table but I guess I can join you and improvise with you . I've been doing that since I'm 16. Don't be afraid . ''

His eyes glittered and I laughed , I looked at the time and I told him I had to start doing my work in the fields. He noded and wrapped his longs arms around me and every time he would do that , my chin would rest on his chest , so I would nuzzling my nose and my forehead against him , my hands clutching his t-shirt on his back as If I was holding onto something precious. I was in deed. Because...I realized how much I craved for that. Of course I knew our romance was maybe nothing but a summer love but still ... I needed him. After this silent hug , he would let me go , his face all red and smiling , as if we never didn't need words to feel or express we love each other . I laughed , walking towards the fields with working gloves as I waved my hand to Julian who was meeting me to do the work together , he was carrying the two set of twelve crate box we had to filled up with small tomatoes from the fields . We started to pick up the small tomatoes and he noticed I was dreamily smiling like an idiot. He giggled and then said : 

''Awwww , look's like someone's in love here ! ''

I giggled , and muttered almost for myself : 

''Oh it must be that . '' 

He tossed away a rotten tomatoe and said : 

''Oh by the way are you coming to the party ? '' 

I genuinely grinned and said : 

''Yes and I'm coming with Thomas.''

Julian seemed stopped for a moment and I saw him winced a small instant but he quickly went back to picking up tomatoes. I frowned and asked : 

''What's the matter ? I wasn't supposed to come ? '' 

He shook his head and said : 

''No ... It's not that it's just that you are coming with a ...You know what. It doesn't matter. Thomas and you are my friends and no matter what , you're welcomed. ''

That didn't stopped me from being concerned . We didn't said anything but I think just after , I heard him mumbling something  like : 

''It shouldn't matter...No matter where , it shouldn't be a matter...''

***

''Hmm gnnn fffff gnaaarrrrgh ! THERE ! '' exhaled Julian as we dropped the last crate of tomatoes into the trailer of the tractor . We smiled , wiping our sweat . Geeze ; we were in July and hell it was like what 30 celsius degree outside ( 89 Farhreneit) . In short ; it was smoking hot .  My t-shirt was sticked to my skin and the earth dust melted with my sweat to form some kind of nasty mud . Julian and I both agreed for a short break , to drink water and maybe wipe the sweat . It was now 12 o clock , the sun was at its highest point in the sky . And the air was dry . Working in these condition would've been exhausting for me before ... _  
_

But not now. Not anymore.

I took out my shirt stained with sweater and mud . I walked to a large basin of clear water next to the farm and I almost jumped as I saw my reflection.

Was it me ? Was it Guy-Manuel ? I stared into the water , I touched my face. It felt unreal.I was so thin ... but so ... muscular. More than before. Where did these muscles I ran my trembling hand, a little trance, on my chest and my abdoment; I could see that my muscles were strengthened. My bicepts ... were bigger. My skin was more tanned. I had a great hiding spot of mud half my face. But even my face had changed. My jaw was stronger and masculine. ... My eyes were less bothered and seemed accustomed to see further, beyond the horizon, beyond what I could see before. Tears formed in the corners of my eyes.

I felt so weak before.

 _She broke me. When she kissed my brother Paul in front of my eyes in this party._ _I can't remember her face. I forgot her. I forgot everything. I can...barely still see silhouettes in the dark ... dust of time that long ago... destroyed me. The taste of ecstasy ...this drug I was addicted  ... I forgot the taste . The clubs ... My friends... My family...Her...Ghosts. Every time I try to recall it . It brings me here. Why ? Is it ...is it where I belong ?_

_Was I really living and even existing before the ranch , before Thomas , before this summer. I still remember how she broke my heart. How I found out the game we were playing was just based on non-sense when we chained ourselves to a friend because we knew it would locked like a door . When we found out...we had different love that were destroying us. Her my brother , me the music. But  in my case was it the music ? Now it was what I thought would bring me the pleasure to do music . The rave. The crazy nightlife of a dj. But some succeed some fail._

But if that's the old me...

_Her lips brushing Paul's neck..._

The Guy-Manuel I used to be ...

_Another pill...Another line._

Does that mean that ... if I can't remember anything at all... 

_Her laugh in the night. Her body next to mine._

If it doesn't hurt me...

_All of this is gone...My past don't exist anymore..._

Then it means ...

 

Does it means that I became who I wanted to be ? 

I took water in my hand ; I washed away the dirty side of my face and I saw my real face. I smiled. I can't believe from how far I went. But then... I saw two other pair of eyes staring at me. I gasped as the reflection of Thomas appeared . I turned and saw him. He was looking at me with a deep look on his face. He saw me crying. I looked at him. And he looked at me. He walked to me , slowly and placed both of his hands on my shoulder . I felt silent tears streaming down my face as he bring me in his arms. And hugged me tightly. I heard him whispering : 

''You are so strong. To me you are... something I can't reach. Like if you were... untouchable. But I am willing ... to take the risk with you because I want to find you. I want to know who you are. I know that you carried your past here as wou wanted to leave him behind. I knew it from the second I saw you at the gate . I want to define you and love you inside out . ''

I grabbed his shirt and pulled him in my arms and we fell in the basin of cold water. We didn't care as he splashed some water out , I kissed him furiously , swallowing his hot breathe , my hands pushing on his back to bring him closer , our hips bumping as he grinded softly on me . I moaned as I kissed him again and again  tossing away his wet curls of his face as I cupped it and brought him next to mine. His hands ran on my chest as pushed him on the side of the basin , my tongue shoving in his mouth as his mouth opened in a desirable moan. Like sugar , I sucked and swallowed his lips like they tasted delicious , my heart pouding madly , breathy , passionate , sensual . We pulled off slowly , our lips doing a ''pop'' sound as they parted away . Nose to nose , forehead against forehead and eyes to eyes . We were in vain trying to catch our breathe . Thomas was saying a word between every breathe : 

''You...Will...Be...Late..For training. We ...both need...dry clothes. ''

I noded and he get out of the basin , walking in another direction , both of his hands on his heart as I floated on the basin , trying to calm down my erection. 

***

 Crydamoure was waiting for me. Ever since I started trainning with him , the beautiful horse was smart enough to wait , his intelligent gaze always on the door of the stable , at the end of the day . And I would open the door , then he would just wave his head , all the time. It was a friendly ritual that always impressed me.  I never realized how intelligent and loyal a horse can be. Until Crydamoure became my friend. According to the father of Thomas the horse would only listen to me. 

I walked in and I petted his neck ; he leaned , allowing me to caress him more. I kissed his head , giggling as he blew hot air out of his nostril, a sign I soon associated with affection. The competition was closer and closer . I sighed , worried and anxious. I wasn't sure to  be ready for the big event. I wasn't sure I had everything it takes. Sometimes , I wonder why I said yes. Everything seemed to be going so fast. I do remember , I always dreamed to do horse riding.... But never competition. Everything was just so strange . But in a way , I had no choice. It seemed I was talented.

''Guess I'm early. Want to do some free style instead of waiting in here ? ''

I saddled the horse and took the rein , leading him to the horse trainning park. I straddled him and we trotted to the racing park , as wide as two soccer field. I bent and shook the reins , Crydamoure neighed joyfully and galloped wildly straight forward. I laughed , enjoying the sensaiton of strenght and elegance of riding him , like if we were sharing the same general excitement.I was riding so fast .My horse's hooves pounded the ground, the dust raised by swirling behind us. Faster. Harder. Speed increased but I was not afraid. I was going so fast, as if I should surpass myself. My jerky and exalted breath mingled with the breathing Crydamoure. My heart drumming and adrenaline was pumping my blood faster than ever. I saw Crydamoure muscles contract, I took advantage to the maximum of the intensity of each stride, each gallop. Aerodynamic, we were gliding like lightning cleaving the air like a gust of wind.

I felt invincible. I was going so fast with Crydamoure I had the impression of flying. My body balanced on a hellish run. I felt alive again. I laughed. Shouting, excited and hilarious: "Yes, that's it! Crydamoure faster! Faster! Go you can do it! We can do it " The horse whinnied with vigor and redoubled efforts more quickly, so quickly that I could hardly see, we had never been this fast before. An obstacle appeared on our race, I howled of a victorious tone and Crydamoure leaped in all his grace. So high, with such power that I did not even see the obstacle, always in balance on the horse. My heart stopped beating when his front hooves hit the ground; the obstacle did not move.

''YEAAAAAAAAH!!! I'M ON THE TOP OF THE WORLD !!! WE ARE INVINCIBLE ! ''

And then ... something splendid happened. A moment of complicity, power and glory I will never forget. In all my life. The horse slowed its course and I lifted the reins in height, hanging on hard. Crydamoure stood in perfect coordination on backwards of his  legs and hurled in the airby beating front legs, kicking and rearing up, I stood in the saddle and queens to avoid falling. Majestically he whinnied with power. Like a wild stallion which demonstrated its power. I could not believe it. Crydamoure stood on its hind legs. And I did not fall. I do not slipped. I have not fallen from the saddle. I stayed in position. And then .. And then I screamed. I screamed because finally I was feeling powerful. I felt invincible

"YEAH !!! WAHOOOO !!!"

I patted the neck of the horse and Crydamoure obeyed ; he gently bent forward , his front legs back on the solid ground . We were both panting . I was crying. I reached a level of connexion with Crydamoure I never thought I would reach. Tears fell on my cheek and I hand on his neck , wrapping my neck around and patting his jaw . I saw him close his eyes as I petted his mane.

''Thank you my friend. Thank you.'' I muttered in his ear , sure he was understanding me . ''It was great Crydamoure. It was so great. You are so powerfull. I knew we could do it. It was hard my friend .But we did it . We did it. ''

 I hopped off and walked , expecting him to lead me but then ... i turned and...

Crydamoure looked at me , owered his neck twice and scratched the roof with his hoof. I was paralysed .  Crydamoure then trotted in my direction. Shocked , I grabbed the reins and turned my head to the direction of the stable. 

I saw Thomas , his father , his mother and another man looking at me with wide eyes . Thomas jumped off the fence and ran in my direction . 

''GUY-MANUEL ! WOAH DUDE !! THAT WAS FUCKING AWESOME'' 

He jumped in my arms while I was still in sweat and shocked . Nevertheless , I closed my eyes and hugged him back , shaking. He whispered : 

''It was amazing. We saw your race. It's incredible... Were you trainning out of the daily trainning session ? '' 

I shook my head and he gasped , pulling off to look at me . He smiled proudly and chimed : 

''I think you are ready to meet my master and my trainner. Mr Quême. But you can call him Falcon. He will help you . ''

 With Crydamoure , he walked and I could see the mother of Thomas smiling and his father grumpily , smirking , arms fold. She spoke to me first and said : 

''Congratulation , Guy-Manuel. We saw how you trained with Crydamoure and I can tell that right now , you are officially a horse rider.''

I blushed and , surprisingly , Crydamoure kicked me softly with his head , pushing me forward with his head . I had no choice then to hug the mother of Thomas who grinned and accepted the hug as everyone was laughing and cheering. I looked at them and cried. I realized they were more then my employers. They were becoming a second family for me . A home. 

Mrs. Bangalter looked at the time and declared : 

''Well , I guess the trainning is over. Mr Quême , I hope it isn't causing you any problem ? ''

I looked at a tall man , with salt and pepper long hair and a long face , small bear . He looked smart and kind. He looked at me , his blue eyes glowing with curiosity and retorted : 

''Well , from what I saw , I have nothing to had on this lesson. I guess we can call it off. ''

The father of Thomas wanted to protest but Mrs.Bangalter glared at him , daring him to say a word. She then conclude : 

''Ok...Well I guess everyone can go...home...and be...quiet... Or do whatever they want.You know .'' 

She looked at Thomas and winked. I gulped ; she knew I wanted to spend time with Thomas. But she was protecting him from his father's disapproval. Amused , I sneered mutely. I always knew she was bad ass . 

Mr.Bangalter sighed : 

''Fine. But, don't forget. The trainning start at 15:00 P.M tomorrow , don't be late.''

Leading Crydamoure , I laughed and said : 

''It's you guys that was late. So we started without you .So , if you please , excuse me...  '' 

I turned my back with a scowl on my face.His father mumbled something , but I could hear everyone laughing behind. Thomas , who was walking with me , rolled his eyes : 

''Putain , Guy-Man. You'll never change. '' 

I looked at him and retorted  : 

''We've come too far to give up who we are in life Thomas. I rather not stop . Today I know who I am. ''

I passed by the basin ,  in the water , my reflect  grinned back at me . 

''And who I want to be . ''

Thomas smiled and dreamily responded : 

''Let's raise the bar to the star then. Because sky is the limit .''

We laughed. Tonight was going to be good. Good times. . I was leaving all my cares behind , at least for tonight . Because these , were  the good times. A warmer summer night.

''Chic , alors ! I'm going to show you how to be a men , but more seriously a nice place . ''said Thomas , singing Le Freak Out. I laughed , and followed him .

Oh yeah. I was feeling it . 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LEAVE KUDDOS IF YOU LIKE.  
> COMMENT.  
> AND SHARE IF YOU THINK YOU HAVE ALL THE REFERENCES.


	14. Down By The RIver

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Down by the river  
> I was drawn by your grace  
> Into tempest of oblivion  
> And to the lovers-place

I streched my arms and smiled , throwing my head back. I could feel the sun kissing my skin as Thomas was resting his head on my shoulder.The warm, moist winds July entwined our hair, mine, very longwere falling on Thomas arms , who was playing with a dandelion flower , taking off it's seed and watching them fly away in the drowsy wind. The weather was so nice ; it wasn't hot , it wasn't chilly  ; just a comfortably warm weather. Time seemed to pass at the same pace of the tiny mellowed sheepish  clouds  I was looking at drifting away  leisurely on a pastel blue sky. We were lying on the grass near the ranch . Thomas and I had finished all our tasks for the day  and had a good 3 or 4 hours to kill before late night , for the party. I broke our peaceful silence by saying , in a hoarse quiet voice : 

''Alors , what do we do now ? We finished earlier because I was a fucking equistrian god.''

Thomas laughed ,and I looked at him. His laugh was so beautiful...

'' Don't get on your high horse , Mr. De Homem Christo ! ''

I face palmed and he laughed even louder as I mumbled : 

''This is not funny...You're the only one who is making a fool of himself , right now , imbécile. ''

He catched his breathe and sighed loudly. Then he grinned as he looked me  . I leaned on my elbows looking up at him. He smiled and said : 

''But I get what you mean ; that means we have free time before the party . I had an idea...What about we go down by the river with the horses ? We can play in the creek and do a little ride to the woods ; you should see the wild lavender growing in the meadow field just before the glade . We should go to the glade , then take the meadow who will lead us to the woods and go down the valley to the river . The Essonne River`. It's wonderfull . ''

I smiled and said : 

'' Sounds like a nature date.''

He blushed and stuttered : 

 ''Go take the horse , garçon d'écurie ! ''

***_***_***_***_***_***

Thomas was riding next to me , trotting with Roulé and telling me what was the name of the pants I could see on the way . We crossed the meadow , bunch of lavender flower recovered all the meadow , aside the  daisies and the geraniums erupting here and there. We finally got to the wood and Thomas leaded the way to a half-disepeared trail , recovered by ferns and thorn ; but the hogwoods trees lining on its border made a natural limit that indicated its old borders . The weather was a little more chilly , but nothing too cold , just a rafreshing  weather .Cornflower , agrimony and cow parsley added a little color in the shadowed wood near the majestic beech trees and the tall centenarian oak , so big I couldn't see the top ; they were gigantic. The cicadas symphony rising up to the air melted with the distant rumbling river whisper , the fresh smell of moist earth , wild flowers and   shadowed area crossing lighted ones ; I had the feeling this forest was magic. Parisians don't recognize birds by their sing , or flowers by their smell , but Thomas did. So I trotted and went quiet , listenning the sound of the forest . She was talking to me , but I couldn't understand. But Thomas , him , could. 

We could hear fluty trills 3 or 4 times echoing in the forest. It was beautiful , I listened to the sing , marveled . Wondering what bird it was .

''It's the great tit . ''

Mésange Charbonnière . Of course. 

We reached the river and Thomas hopped off of the horse , letting him running free and drink some water. I did the same. I took a deep breathe , feeling calm and serene. This forest sure was magic , I felt purified by its beauty and its nature. I looked at the river fumbling on the rocks , creating whirling torrents and sharp meanders before flooding calmy down the valley . I smiled and looked around. I then whispered , almost to myself : 

''It's beautiful.''

I couldn't hear a word. I frowned . Where was Thomas ? 

''Thom where ar..''

I couldn't finish my sentence.A hand grabbed my wrist and so made me pivot rearwardly pulling me back,  in the same movement. I could not say a word as I was pinned against an oak instantly. It was Thomas. I felt my heart drumming in my chest like if it was banging wildly. I looked up and as soon as my eyes met his he pressed his mouth against mine , swallowing a surprised moan coming from it. I felt his tongue taking control of me and I felt so limb in his arms , like if I was ready to melt and fuse with his body forever. But Thomas didn't melted ; he was taking the reins , as if I was an obedient little horse to be trained. HIs hands grabbed my shoulder as I leaned into the kiss but got pushed back against the oak ; he slammed his body against mine , one thigh between my legs , rubbing against my crotch. I couldn't breathe , I was lost into his embrace , lost into his kiss . I've never been french kissed like that before. 

I was feeling alive . 

I wrapped my arms around his neck as he growled , biting my neck , going down to my shoulder : 

''Oh Thomas...''

He moaned my named and he roamed his hands on my chest , under my shirt. I threw my head back , panting . I was sweating , shaking , I felt I was suffocating . Thomas was now unbuttoning my shirt and I blushed as I realized what we were about to do in the middle of a forest. I tried to grip something , because I felt like falling . So I gripped into Thomas , because it was the safest support I could see in my life right now . He threw off my pants  and I gasped ; I couldn't say a word so he kissed me again and said : 

''It's a payback for the basin.''

I tucked down my boxer as he kneeled , so confident and so beautiful , looking at my croth with desire. I bit my lips as he closed his eyes and started licking the top and then he opened his eyes and took it all , deep throating me many times . I sighed , stroking his hair as he was sucking me off like a god. I moaned . I cried. I pushed his head and I sighed. He was caressing , licking , swallowing , up and down , side by side. I could feel Thomas everywhere on me , in me , around me . He was even rushing in my vein. He was going deeper and my moans were going louder. I looked up , shouting his name many times. The sun was piercing the dark forest sky and the birds were chirping. One long ultimate scream broke the silence of the forest one last time . My dick throbbed in his mouth and he took it all , swallowing it all . He then looked up and I muttered I was sorry for cumming like that  he waved it off and smiled : 

''You were so beautiful , I couldn't stop. You are a grace Guy-Manuel. ''

I laughed and then I said : 

''My turn now....''

He gasped as I took his cock in my hand . 

And I kneeled.

And he gasped , thrusting in my mouth as I was sucking him as fast as I could , licking his ball when I could. His thrusted deeper and I gagged , red like a strawberry . He kept the pace until once again the silence was broke with long white ribbon contrasting with the red colouring my cheek. He grinned and kneeled. He then ''cleaned '' my face , licking my forehead , my cheeks and finally , my mouth as I ended up kissing him. He lost his balance and we fell into the river , laughing like too innocent child. I floated with him , resting my wet head on his chest. He laughed and wrapped his arms around me . 

He said : 

''I want this summer to never end.''

 ***_***_***_***

We then  got off of the water and let our body dry naturally with the light of the sun. Then we dressed up  and we held each other , watching the horse . His head was resting against my chest and my arms were wrapped around him . We were sitting in the sun , sitting in the summer , lying on the forest ground . The time of my life was happening here and now , with him. 

''What a fucking summer .''

He smiled : 

''I'm glad I met you . I needed you and you needed me. It was the right time.''

I smiled and muttered :

''Yes it is the right the time.''

He looked down and I knew he was thinking the same :

''But at the end of the summer you...''

''We're not there , now. '' I interrupted him , hiding my  worried with a kiss on his forehead ''We're there , and for now that's all that matters .''

Yes. That's all that matter....I smiled and said : 

''A good night is waiting for us . I can't wait to see how you sound as a DJ.''

Thomas sighed and said in a sulky voice : 

''Sure , you're better than me . ''

I laughed and kissed him a little too much . 

***_***_***_***_***

I was quite excited because I found out , at night as Thomas and I were going towards the village , that the party was actually a free-party , a teuf ; a secret clandestine and undercover party . Everyone had to go to Julian's house and after , following the indication that would be hiden under a tree next to the house. Fucked up . It reminded me DJ nights in Paris , the fun I had... Thomas was holding my hand and I looked at his jacked , I laughed : 

''We match. Same jacket , only mine is red and yours is green. ''

He smiled , as we turned on a quiet street  : 

''Yes , how weird. I'm sorry you got the clown mask , it was the only one I had. ''

I shrugged , a scowl on my face : 

''Don't care. Yours is uglier ; a golden sun. Looks like some Motown album cover. ''

He laughed and punched me , I giggled : 

''Hey , I'm carrying your equipment so be kind , right ? '' 

We arrived at the famous tree. Thomas red the indication and we went into a field. The earth was pulsing. Bass. House rythm. I smiled , getting hyped. Thomas laughed , and he stopped. Smoking a joint he leaned and I swallowed the smoke of his mouth . We looked at each other .

Oh yeah.

***_***_***_***

In the middle of no where , two tables with ghetto blaster . It was in a old abandonned garage near a field . But apparently , there was still electricity running. A stromboscope , and a mass of masked people . Among them I recognized Julian wearing a fox mask. I smiled and Thomas lead me to the crowd , we opened a door and got into the garage. I  muttered ''fuck yeah '' and started dancing to french touch music. People were grinding , all high on something , all masked and all strangers. A real free party . A real  underground house party. I smiled as Thomas was dancing next to me . I couldn't see his face but I felt his hands on my hips as we danced . I jumped side by side , loosing control acting like a fool ; I did jumping jack , swaying my arms and legs like a kid. Thomas laughed and started pogoing with me as other people laughed and cheered . Then Julian came to me followed by a girl. I was too high to see the girl was staring at me , I looked at Thomas . Julian was saying something and I catched bribles of it : ''Dimitri peut pas être là.... Empêchement...'' Thomas went pale : ''Merde on fait quoi '' ''Sais pas...''

He looked at me and said : 

''Dimitri can't be here . He was supposed to DJying with me. What should I do ? ''

I laughed and slurred : 

''Give it to me. It's all gonna be fine . ''

Julian noded and announced : 

''Please make some noise for our two DJs , Thomas and Guy-Maaaannn.''

Thomas stuttered something but I took his hand and made my way to the crowd .   I had no idea what I wad doing but I know that it was the part of performing as a DJ . You never know. So I went behind the tables with Thomas that was just in the moment. I setted a new  beat and all the crowd stopped dancing  , screaming and protesting. Thomas looked at me , banging his head. He took the bass and I took the beat , as he was making random riff . I saw a rythm box , the same I used in my previous shows and took over it , adjusting the rythm as Thomas was creating a good bass line . Thomas showed me a sample of Chic and I smiled , reassuring me it was good. The crowd was now cheering and dancing. Thomas and I didn't even need to talk ; we had the same vision , we had the same idea , the same style ; we were a perfect duo. The music was so good that Thomas was literally banging his head  , almost thrusting in the mixing table.

So we performed almost for 30 minutes. We were unstoppable ; high on drug and on music , we were slave to the rythm and the bass. We were in harmony , jamming and scratching , twisting and sampling . The night was ours. For the last track , Thomas ran and showed me a folder with vinyl he brought . After passing a couple of them I picked up a DJ Deeon record , Thomas smiles , and clapped his hands excited , saying : OUI!!OUI!!OUI!! . I noded my head with a cool grin and Thomas flipped the record before placing it on the turning table. The bass of Shake That Butt almost exploded the speaker and the house song blasted out the crowd that would be dancing until morning lights.

I jumped off the scene and high fived Thomas. I turned and the girl I saw bumped into me. Stunned , I stepped off and shouted : 

''Oh sorry...I didn't saw you ....''

''GUY-MANUEL , YOU DON'T RECOGNIZE ME ???????? I'M...''

But Julian took her hand , looking at me worrily and said : 

''Come on  , let's dance...''

''But cousin...''

''I SAID COME ON SISSY!!!''

Sissy ?

Wait a minute...

No...Fucking way...She can't be...

''GUY-MANUEL , AHAHHA , ARE YOU OK ? YOU LOOK DEAD DUDE ?''

I looked up  ; she was gone. I grabbed the hand of Thomas and  shouted: 

''Fuck off , it's not important , let's dance...''

My past was chasing me...I looked up at Julian , from the corner of my eyes  like if to say : ''Why...'' . He looked back at me  with a sorry and embarassed expression and then looked at Sissy who was grinding on a random dude's , making me rage inside . I closed my eyes and looked back at Thomas who was still dancing. I was asking myself what to do. Should I leave the party ? Should I stay and pretend she got it all wrong and that i'm not Guy-Manuel de Homem -Christo ? Merde.

Hell fuck , I was doomed...


	15. Greetings from Paris

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short part with Thomas POV   
> Yelp , things are getting spicy...

The music was so loud and the air was so hot. Thomas had his hands on Guy-Manuel hips , he could feel him everywhere. The rather shy , cold and sometimes really sneaky boy came out to be one of the most sensual and party animal ever ; and of course , he was an excellent DJ. Guy-Manuel had red eyes , his long brown hair sticked on his forehead ; he was breathing loud smelling cigarette , alcohol and weed . Thomas closed his eyes , letting the music fill up his body . Until he saw the same girl that talked to Guy-Manuel looking at him from the corner of her eyes , and whispering. Thomas narrowed his eyes , looking at her. He waved amically , smiling. She frowned , with a disgusted air and turned her head. Thomas frowned and looked at Guy-Manuel looking at her worrily. What was going on...At 4:30 a.m , the people started to leave and so did Thomas and Guy-Manuel. Guy-Manuel was laughing and jumping like a kid on the street. He said he was a super heroes and that the entire floor was lava. Thomas had to hold his hand to make sure he didn't fall , even if Thomas was quite drunk himself ; just less than Guy-Manuel. They walked home ( Thomas did asked himself how he remembered the way. Thomas placed an hand on Guy-Manuel's mouth as they open the door. They giggled , trying to grab the wall to help keep their balance. 

''Shhhhhhhhh.'' said Thomas , with a goofy smile on his face.

''Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh shhhhhhhhhh....honhonhonhon..'' giggled and whispered Guy-Manuel , making Thomas laugh quietly ; Guy-Manuel high was hi-la-rious. 

They finally made their way up the stairs ( not without falling and tumbling over , of course.) 

Thomas pushed the door of his room and jumped on his bed. A minute later , he gasped ,choking as Guy-Manuel  jumped on him ...

''Guy-Manuel , move...Putain , tu m'étouffe...'' ( Fuck , you are choking me ) 

''Mahhhhh euuuuuuuuuhhhh tu sais quoi ? Je veux baiser....'' (Mahhh ehhhhh you know what ?  I want to fuck ) 

''Demain...'' ( Tomorrow ) 

''THOMMASSS '' groaned the boy , sucking his neck half-passed out . '' Pleaaase . '' 

Thomas sighed and giggled : 

''You're too drunk and ...''

The room went silent and ...

Snoozing and snorting sounds.

Already sleeping? Thomas laughed internally  , kissing the forehead of Guy-Manuel that was already drooling on the pillow . He sighed , he yawned and went to sleep 

 

* * *

 

I woke up and Thomas wasn't there with me. I know it can sound not really virile but I really freaked out. And then I muttered a ''merde'' when I looked at the time. How come it was almost 11 o clock in the morning and I was sleeping. I would be late on my job. Until I looked and found a note pinned at the door : 

 

> _«Bon matin Guy-Manuel ! Mom , dad and me took a day out. We went seeing my sister at hospital . You were impossible to wake up this morning ... I know you wanted to see her but I think it's best you rest after the amazing night we had. You forgot this on the kitchen table. I looked and saw it was your diary. Didn't read it. But you can thank me for saving it from my mother's eyes . We won't be back until 15:00 . My mom said that if you feel ok , you can do job . She told my father not to worry about it since you done all your job in advance. I'm leaving in five minutes there is cereals and milk for break feast .  To help you out , I went to the farnout and picked up the lettuce for you . I guess it's all . And... Je t'aime. Love , Thom. xx»_

I blushed and smiled , kissing the note and moaning from this huge headache that hit me out right after I jumped in my pant. Oh god , I hope I won't throw up ... I massaged my face , my stomache already gave up on me... I made myself some coffee , as the sun was blinding me out from the window. I could see hens running free and I thank Thomas because you already know how good I am with picking eggs. Hens love me a lot. Of course , that was sarcasm. Once my breakfeast was done I didn't know what to do . So I had to occupy myself until the return of the Bangalters.I sighed and I realized I was missing Crydamoure. I smiled and ran picking up my horse riding boots. 

Crydamoure was happy to see me today . He greeted me by blowing air from his nostrils and I jumped by the barrier , hugging him. 

''Hey Cryda ! I'm a bit passed out , go easy on me . We'll trot ok  ? '' 

I jumped on the horse and trotted with Crydamoure that was happy to do some exercise just like . I always felt good on a horse .I felt alive. I was guided by my beating heart and the heart of my horse.

Suddenly I saw Julian appearing and I stopped. I remembered yesterday...

I can't believe she is his cousin. Things would get awkard.

''Hey ! '' shouted Julian , a bit embarassed , looking down. I trotted towards him and I jumped off Crydamoure , patting his back . 

''His cousin.''

''I'm so sorry but that is not the worse news.''

I frowned ...what could have happen.Oh..OH-OH-OH . 

''Don't tell me she still talk to paul.''

Julian sighed : 

''Yes. You should get a call. From...From Paris. ''

That bitch.

''When ? '' I shouted ,shaking .

''Now...''

 I gasped . Oh fuck .

* * *

 

At the hospital , Thomas was with his mother and father .They walked towards the small ash blue corridor of the  with pastel walls from which escaped the chlorine and mint smells that made Thomas nauseous ..They crossed the hallway to enter the room of Amanda , that despite being pale , was looking much better. When she saw Thomas entering , her face lit up with a smile that made Thomas' day . 

''Bonjour toi . '' (Hello , you .)  quietly blurted her brother sitting on the red leather chair so uptight, that she squeaked with every movement . ''How are you feeling.''

Looking right at her parents who were smiling at her lovingly then back at a  bloody red IV tube engorged in her wrist , she giggled softly . She guess she could say that she felt lonely here , that she missed the warmth of the sun and the smell of fresh mowned lawn down the fields around the ranch , that she missed her friends and that she missed everyone , even Julian who used to have a crush on her . But , when she looked at her parents , already worried about her situation she couldn't see herself breaking them more , causing more and more dark cricles around their anxious parent eyes   : 

''I'm fine. Doctor said I have an iron defiency . They gave me a  blood transfusion as you know but they said I should be back home in one week . But that I need to rest. '' she breathed , making her best to give the greatest smile with the small energy she had.

And then she sighed , still feeling sad not to participate to the competition. But her brother shook his head vividly , smiled softly  and squeezed her hand , whispering : 

''Don't worry. Guy-Manuel is doing great . I'm sure he'll be happy to see you perform . ''

Amanda wasn't a fool ; the look he had in his eyes , was the look of someone who was totally in love. And totally vulnerable. She frowned , asking herself if Thomas saw that relation as just a summer love , something who wouldn't last . But , knowing her brother and how princess he was with relations , a strong fear started to sting her heart. Thomas was fragile and sensible and he could get heart . Easily . She leaned closer and whispered sternly to Thomas ear : 

''I'm happy for you and Guy-Manuel but please ; you have to remain tight and firmly on the saddle of your horse ; because if you jump too high , you don't want to be ejected of the hosrse ,  lose it and  broke your heart on the ground , got it rider ?  ''

Thomas squirmed but noded , and he couldn't help but see the face of the girl from the party popping up in his mind like a dead menace.  Thomas looked at Amanda worriedly and Amanda sighed , knowing that look and knowing how it hurt .

Their parents , that meanwhile were talking with the Doctor , came kissing their daughter before telling Thomas it was time to go. Thomas smiled one last time to Amanda and left the room , questions fogging his mind  like a storm about to strike .And the first one he had to ask to Guy-Manuel , even though he wasn't sure if he was ready to really hear an answer , was what would they do after this summer. What after ? Thomas couldn't stop staring at the clous as they drove the pick-up car down back to the ranch. He was worried and mostly , had a bad feeling. He sighed , closing his eyes his face in his hands. 

''Oh Guy-Manuel...'' he whispered , holding his tears. 

 

* * *

I was in the kitchen back again , staring at the phone worried .  If that was a joke from Julian , I would never forgive him. But somehows , I knew she was always talking and talking ; couldn't keep her mouth shut she always had to tell , tell , tell . Suddenly , the phone rang. I stared at it  , pale as a ghost . Should I take it ? Of course. But who was on the line ? My father ? My brother ? My mother ? Was I ready to explain , to justify myself and to tell the truth . No , I wasn't. My plan seemed to fade away and I had to make up an excuse quick. But fuck , what could I tell ?It was now or never I had to take it . I walked near the phone , that demon , and took the phone handset . I heard myself stuttered in a dry shaking voice ;   
  
''Ranch Bangalter and Sons , my name's Guy-Manuel how can I help you ? ''

There was a silence on the line. I closed my eyes , my heart racing faster than Crydamoure and then I heard : 

''Guy-Manuel ? My son... You ... You lied to me. We thought you were following this lawyer internship at Lyon ... ''

''Mom...'' I said , my voice teary . 

''Sissy came back trom her trip to her cousin's house and she told Paul she saw you in a party in Boutigny-Sur-Essone. You told us you  were going to that internship to Lyon all summer...Why...How dare you lied to me ...'' she kept  on , more and more intense. 

''MOM ! ''

Another silence on the line. 

 ''I HAD TO FIND MYSELF !!! I DIDN'T KNOW WHO I AM !!!! I WAS TIRED OF PARIS , TIRED OF THE LIFE I WAS HAVING THERE . TIRED OF SISSY  , I WAS SAD AND ANGRY AGAINST PAUL BUT MOSTLY I HAD TO FIND MYSELF .''

She cried : 

''But why didn't you told me ? And you have a boyfriend ? Are you gay ? ''

I was crying of rage , out of myself : 

''Yes. Yes I have a boyfriend. And I'm bisexual . I didn't told you because you wouldn't understand. And trust me , this job is the best thing that ever happened to me. I made friends . Mom. I will participate to a horse riding competition. And I'm good at it. ''

She cried , confused. I was sad for her but ...

''Guy...Guy-Manuel...''

'' Mom , no matter what you will say I will do it you can't stop me ....''

''GUY-MANUEL ! '' she screamed. I stopped , paralyzed but shaking . My eyes wide and my breathe short and quick '' WIN THIS COURSE . WIN THIS COURSE FOR ME.''

''M-Mom...'' I cried softly .

''I'm so proud of you...So proud of you. Find your way. I will always love you no matter who you choose to be and what you do .''

I cried and my heart exploded. She tried to calm down and she said : 

''Are you coming back at the end of the summer ? '' 

''Yes , I'm coming back to Paris at the end of the summer . ''

''Win this course Guy-Manuel. You can do it.''

''Thanks... mom. ''

She hang up . I cried  , looking down . And when I looked up I saw Thomas.

He was crying to  . 


	16. Don't fall asleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End is coming.  
> This is dedicated to Jpeg .  
> Yeah...
> 
> Based on this song that fit so well : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CE1GnN8AdsQ

It's when you hurt someone that you love to death that you realize how you love them. And even though  Thomas is just a summer love , I just realized that he  changed me forever when I saw my reflection in the tears that stained his pale cheeks. And he looked at me , silent despite the cries trying to escape from his trembling lips ; like if he was struggling to keep them inside. 

''Thomas don't be mad at me...''

''I'm not mad , Guy-Manuel. I'm hurt. That's it.'' he muttered , looking away dryly.

''Thomas...'' I whispered , my eyes getting teary . I tried to move toward him but he shivered and backed away. I gasped and I stopped. Oh no. What have I done ?

''No Guy-Manuel... Don't apologize.'' he breathed , his voice shaking '' It's me that is stupid. First love ; and it had to be a summer love that would break my heart ; but that doesn't mean it isn't beautiful and bright ; but just like firework , it's just for minutes until it stops bursting and fade away. I was so childish , thinking summer would never end...I was so fool to actually thought I meant something for someone as cold as you.''

I felt my own heart sinking. Part of me wanted to scream but part of me was scared. I broke Thomas. How could I ...

''No Thomas listen...''

''Is this how you ...Oh no . No-no-no Guy-Manuel. It will hurt me . So ...much.''

''THOMAS , YOU NEED TO LIVE THE MOMENT , OK '' I said grabbing his hands , my eyes were red , but no tear had fall yet. I wasn't good at crying. I'm sorry .

''Living the moment ? And let it die.'' said Thomas , his hazel eyes fired up at me. I shivered . He shook his head and ran in direction of the horses. I screamed , yelling at him to come back : 

''THOMAS ,MERDE , WHERE ARE YOU GOING ? ''

He didn't listen to me and the second after he was gone . I screamed and kneeled in the dust.

This time I was crying for good.

***

I ran to Crydamoure. I had to talk to him. Of course , I brought you with me , because I had to write everything. I was glad when Crydamoure wasn't sleeping. I patted his neck and he bumped his nose on my cheek. I giggled and I said : 

''Ignore the tears Cryda. Really.''

The horse stared at me and I chuckled : 

''Ok ... Ok... Maybe I'm sad.''

The norse neighed and I smiled : 

''Yeah buddy. Love is complicated. I'm just not good at it.''

The horse blew hot hair against my palm and we looked at each other . 

'' I know Cryda. I know...''

***

Thomas returned late at night. He brought Roulé to the  stable and returned calmly home. He sat on the gallery of the house while was  ringing the singing of the frogs in the starry night the singing of the frogs , rising from the great river of Boutigny-sur-Essonne. I looked at him from my window and I grabbed a pack of cigarette , my coat and I ran down to join him. I opened the door of the house and I said : 

''Hey.''

Silence.

''Mind if I smoke with you  ? ''

Silence.

''Thomas ? ''

He turned his head and said : 

''Only if I have one.''

I shrugged and I walked towards him. I tried to feel calm but I was holding back my tears. I sat next to him . I looked at him and he was crying silently. I gasped and as I closed my eyes I brought him in my arms. And he cried . I wrapped my arms around him and we stayed like that for a good 20 minutes. And then , I hoarsely whispered : 

''You know... Some people come into your life. They ... bring you something and then they leave. Sometimes you never know ... and they become a memory.''

Thomas squealed , choking a sob before clutching into my shirt even more ; it literally broke my heart as I swallowed a tear and added : 

''And you'll learn to forget...''

He shook his head and I felt his wet cheek brushing on my chest. He stuttered weakly : 

''But you're hard to forget. I can't . It will hurt me . I'll never find someone like you ... Never. And I'll still love you. Tomorrow , we will start the-the intensive training with Stéphane Quême. After this-this week there will be only 4 days remaining before the competition and-and-and then ...''

I pulled his face up and smacked violently my lips against his to shut him out with a passionate kiss. The truth is that me either , I wasn't ready for this. But I know I had to . I wasn't good at summer love and so was Thomas. He moaned as my tongue found his , before he opened his lips shyly. We were out of breathe , teary and tired. And the stars were shining as bright as the first night I spend outside. But not as much as his eyes when he pulled off to catch his breathe. And then I knew it was a good bye ; who knows where will be our next date ? The following week will be hard . And we knew things would never be the same. So I made out with him for what it seems all the night , thinking of nothing else but the sweetness of his lips , the tenderness of his touch , the smell of his perfume and his beauty . Running my hands in his brown curls I couldn't think straight . He smiled , and when I pulled off to breathe , I saw he was crying. And then , he rubbed my cheek with his thumb and I realized I was crying to : 

''Then let's see where this summer will lead us . I-I-I have to prepare to let you go. But it's just...hard...''

I sighed and he lied his head on my lap . I stroke each of his luscious curls , smoking with the other hand : 

''I know Thomas... And I'm not even sure if I'm ready for the competition.''

He took my hand and kissed it . I blushed , finding this so gay and so romantic : 

''No , you'll win. I know it. I trust you.''

I saw his eyes closing and I cried , in a broken whisper : 

''No , stay out with me . Don't fall asleep .''

Because we only have this moment once in our lives

''Thomas...'' I cried '' I fucking love you...Stay out with me..''

And I knew I couldn't keep you if I tried , Thomas. It was just s bursting sparkling summer love.

''Je...t'aime.'' I said , kissing his forhead as he was sleeping , like an angel , an innocent angel ; and I was the demon who broke his heart.

I was rather surprised to see carrying Thomas in my arms wasn't as hard as it looked like ; thanks to my new muscles due to my farming works . I walked slowly up the stairs ; he was sleeping peacefully , his head leaned on my chest. I pushed the door of the room and I slipped in the bed with him. And I couldn't sleep ; I was just staring at him deeply , kissing his forehead or replacing one of his curls behind his hear. I was like watching him.

Now , I was afraid he'd diseapear.

I loved him too much. 

Way too much.

And maybe... I wished he could stay.

If only.

Yeah...If only...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bleh as school is finished , I'm free now and I don't know which fanfic to upload.  
> So if you read my fanfictions , please tell me by tumblr or comment here which one you want me to upload .  
> So I can be motivated xD


	17. Do for love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One of the best chapter I wrote so far , in my opinion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ''What you won't do, do for love  
> You tried everything, but you don't give up''  
> -Do for love , 2 pac

When I woke up the bed felt empty. When I woke up everything felt empty. I opened my eyes wide and jolted on my back , looking around and only one word , one thought attacked my heart to the core I felt I would fall : 

''Thomas is gone.''

I jumped out of the bed , running down stairs ; I was alone. I ran to the farm ; Thomas wasn't there. I came back . I didn't realize I was bare foot. Fuck it , I thought. Thomas wasn't there. Suddenly it felt heavy. Not that I never loved before , but I furiously hated myself for not waking up earlier. For being lazy. So cold hearted. So introverted. So arrogant. But it was too late , I let Thomas go. He was surely to the hospital. And it wasn't a break up...or....was it. I ran back to the house in a grouchy mood , enough to slam all the doors I found ahead of me . I jumped in a pair of slack jeans and grabbed a blue t-shirt. Did I wore that yesterday ? Who cared anyway. Not Thomas.

Because Thomas wasn't here that day.

Why did it bothered me that much ? Maybe because Thomas always waked me up before going .... Maybe he was mad. Or maybe I was parano. What a pain . I would give my life just to see Thomas now. Hold him. Kiss him. Tell him sweet talks. So he can feel better - because whenever he feel good and whenever he smile it makes me laugh , like if that was pure happiness. I looked for something to reach but there was nothing left on the counter except ... a croissant for me. I grabbed the croissant. I looked around ; no note . But I knew it wasn't left by Mr or Mrs.Bangalter. It was left by him. Thomas.

Thomas Thomas . Thomas . Thomas.

I hitted the counter with my fork , sending a raspberry at the other and of the room madly. Merde. Why . 

Suddenly I took a second to notice where I was standing ; the place of her sister. She would always eat her cereals and she would look at me like if she knew who I were. In fact , she was one of my only friend with Crydamoure and Thomas here. And of course Stephane. But he wasn't as important as Thomas or her. And I treated her like shit . And now she was at the hospital. On that morning , I felt alone. No one was there. 

My only hope was my dear friend , Crydamoure.

Only he understood me . 

All dressed up with my equipment , I got out of that empty house. I faced my fate ; I faced that Thomas wasn't here today.

When I needed him the most.

***

I liked Stephane. Since the beginning he trained me. We wouldn't say a lot thing ; we would only talk about horses and my technique. So it wasn't a friend...Not yet. Holding Crydamoure by the reins , I went to the training lot where Stephane was standing. He was with his horse , a wonderful grey horse that had somehow , the same deep look as his.  He frowned : 

''Hey Guy-Man. Thomas isn't with you...that's rare..''

I looked at him , all the cries I didn't let go yet were about to break...

''I.... Am.''

And it broke.

''A-Alone.''

I sobbed , taking my face in my hands. Stéphane gasped and walked towards him and ... he hugged me. And I hugged back. Like a kid would with his dad. I never saw my dad. He left me when I was very young but right now , Stéphane was kinda like I imagined a dad would be. That was rather unexpected. I felt something in him melt ; like if he understood me. 

''Hey..heyyyyy...Something happened with Thomas right ? ''

I wiped my eyes and I gasped :  
  
''You know.''

He rolled his eyes and grinned : 

''I've never seen someone looking at Thomas with so much admiration and love. Don't think we didn't know.''

''Yes. I love him.'' I pouted , crossing my arms on my chest.

''I think you cannot focus . But don't worry. We will do another training.Follow me , I have something to show you.'' 

I frowned ; that man was quite mysterious. I shrugged and jumped on Crydamoure , accepting his invitation. I followed him to the woods.

***

We traveled to the place me and Thomas went on our date in  the woods. I felt my throat tightens but I said nothing. I just trotted with Stéphane. On the way he said :

''You'll go back in summer. You'll leave and it will end your relationship right ? ''

I raised my eyebrows and looked at him : 

''How do you know...''

He sighs : 

''Oh you know. I know what's that like.''

I frowned coldly :   
  
''What do you mean ? You don't know how it hurts. How it hurts to just end a relationship as you just learned to love again ! ''

Stéphane didn't replied , instead he just said : 

''It's there.''

We jumped off of our horses and he lead me to a beautiful willow three. I tried to understand what was the whole point of a 20 minutes ride through the wood until I saw something carved on the three. I got closer and I gasped.

''Stéphane Q + Thérèsa B...'' I looked at him : ''Thérèsa B for Thérèsa Bangalter ? The mother of Thomas ? ''

He noded and sat next to the tree , his eyes distant like if he was jumping back in past : 

''Exactly. I had your age. I went to this farm to work . We fell in love . But then I had to move to Paris ... And she married another man.''

I leaned against the tree : 

''But... you came back. Because you're here now.''

He sighed sadly ; 

''Of course. You know sometimes , when you can't love a person in a way , the heart shows you another way you can love . And I knew she needed my support when she lost the baby.''

''When she what ?!??! '' I almost yelled  .

He frowned : 

''Thomas never told you he had a brother ? ''

I shook my head ; when I thought about it , what do I really knew about him.

''Thomas had a brother. He died at a verry young age ; in fact he died when she gave birth to him. '' continued Stéphane after my silence. ''Thomas dad's had a deep depression at that time. And the ranch wasn't doing good. I came back because she needed me. I came all the way from Paris. I had a DJ carreer and I gave up on it. I helped her to save the farm and get through this.Of course I still love her , if you ask me. But now , I know she is happy. So as long as she is happy I am. That's how love works , kid. That doesn't work out as we think...but it always work out some time you know. ''

I was speechless :

''Wow...I-I'm a DJ to .'' I muttered , not knowing what to do or to say to comfort him. I wasn't good with emotion. 

Stéphane smiles : 

''I know it boy . I heard you doing some scratching in your room the other night.''

I smiled shyly : 

  
''Oh.''

The wind was soft and the sun was shining , yet we were both so sad ; him about the past , me about my present ( and my future , if i'm lucky)

''Listen boy. I don't know how things are going with Thomas. I know he is a good but sensitive kid , right ? I know you're shy but man , I know when a boy care about his lover . You love him more than you think. I know it's hard , but you have to keep in mind communication is the best way to deal with relationship problems. Talk to Thomas. And imma ask you a question ; would you date Thomas if he could still be with you after this summer.''

''Yes. Of course . '' I said with no hesitation , which surprised me at first but then , it was so clear : ''I would . But i'm not sure if he loves me , he must think ...''

''You think he doesn't love you ? '' laughed Stéphane ''Check it out.''

He pointed a spot next to the names of Stéphane and Thérèsa , something was carved.I leaned and I broke in tears , but this time , it was a  mix of happiness and sadness. Just under the names , Thomas carved 'Guy-Manuel + Thomas' with a big heart surrounding it :

''Oh Thomas.'' I cried , my thumb caressing lovingly the shape of his name , like if it was his face.

Stéphane smiled : 

''He loves you Guy-Manuel. I know right now you feel stressed and you may not want to win for yourself ...but if you don't want to do it for you, try do it for  him. Because faith is the only thing that makes you hold on. It's what you do for love .  ''

Crydamoure neighed and walked in my direction. He pushed my face with his nose and I patted him. I looked at him and I leaned my forehead against his head , I knew he was feeling my pain. I  knew he could understand.

''And of course. Crydamoure counts on you.'' 

I kissed Crydamoure's head , suddenly so glad he was with me and glad Stéphane was with me. 

''Thanks Stéphane. Just...thank you.''

***

I trained with more determination and perseverance , non-stop and all day . I listened to Stéphane ; I found in horse riding a way to vent my pain ; like if Crydamoure helped me to get through this . After all , we were jumping obstacles together and that relation was a blessing for me and my lonely heart. When Thomas would come back , I decided to talk to him about my feelings and his. We would work it out. I wanted to work it out ; I was starting to take things seriously. Not just for my relationships but about this competition ; sometimes it still felt like a dream , it happened so fast , and it seemed I wasn't ready yet . But I was determined and I wouldn't step back. I came too far to give up . Way too far. Stéphane insisted a lot on holding on tighter my reins and being more firm . I figured its way easier to jump and guide Crydamoure , but I still have to find grace , even though Stéphane I have a gracious side that have to come out , maybe because I'm introverted and shy. But I'm confident because I know I can speak my word if I have to , and if I have to stand out I fucking will , because I don't give a fuck after all. Some of my girlfriends called me sassy. I never understood what they meant. But I guess it's a ...compliment ? Stéphane congratulated me for being faster than last time at race . From what he said , I had a natural talent with race and Crydamoure and I made a good team. When he called off , I felt confident and ready to face Thomas ; no matter what will happen or what he'll say , I'm ready . We ended at dawn , around 7:30 pm. I patted my horse before I closed his box ; he sure was the best horse on earth , and one of my bestfriend of course. I walked back home and something made me stop , and frowned ...

''Sissy , what are you doing here ? '' 

 

She was standing on the balcony with that evil smile . I frowned and approached slowly , like if she was a predator ready to eat me out . 

''Oh hi. I just came to tell you good luck for the competion.''

I frowned : 

''Thank you...Seriously , why are you here , don't waiste my time ? ''

''Waiste your time.... I just came here to tell you.'' She bit her lips and fluttered her eyelashes , but that sounded so fake to me : ''I miss you . I want you back. Come on , let's start over. I did mistakes.''

I laughed  : 

''Mistakes ? Miss you ? Why the fuck you lyin. You are always lyin , just stop fucking lying.''

She seemed mad for one second but she didn't gave up :   


''Don't you love me ? ''

I frowned : 

''Nope. In fact , I think my orientation will change. Because I fell in love with the sweetest boy ever. He is my life and ...''

But I didn't finish. She pulled me down and she forced a kiss. It felt disgusting. It wasn't as sweet , as hot , as steamy , as passionate , as loving and as gentle as Thomas. I almost vomitted in her mouth and I regretted of not doing so , that would tell her ...fucking bitch.

''G-GUY MAN ?''

She pushed me back , my heart was pounding. No...No ...No , not that voice. 

I looked back and ... I saw Thomas , his sister Amanda , his mom and his dad. The whole family was back and ... I just fucked up the day.

''T-Thomas. No , let me explain.'' 

''I DON'T NEED ANY EXPLANATION. WHAT WERE YOU DOING ? '' He cried out , utterly mad '' DON'T YOU THINK I'M ENOUGH HURT ALREADY ? ''

''THOMAS ITS NOT WHAT YOU THINK.'' I shouted , pannicking , tears spilling in my eyes. ''SHE FORCED IT.''

I tried to walk down the veranda but Sissy blocked the way , mad. Like if it was the time , ya know! 

''Forced it ? Guy-Manuel I ...''

''Putain , just shut the fuck up bitch ! '' I screamed , pushing her in the bushes. 

(Sorry Sissy ...No in fact , I'm not lol.) 

''Thomas...Thomas I swear its...''

''I DONT WANT TO HEAR IT. ITS...ITS ENOUGH.''

I felt my heart breaking , my voice was shaking , I just wanted to hold him , cry , never let him go : 

''Thomas please...no .... don't.''

He slapped me. I heard his mom and his dad gasped . His sister was silent . Sissy was still fighting to get out of the bushes. He let out a sob and just entered the house with no other word , followed by his parents  and his mother looking at me like if I was the worst monster on earth, Sissy finally got out of the bushes ( like if I cared ) and said :   


''Oops ? ''

I didn't even cared. I walked by her , furious and broken . I wanted to hate myself and Sissy. I was still holding my cheek . It was stinging ; but not as much as my heart .I ran to Stéphane appartments . I banged at the door , crying. 

''Woah woah...Slow down , will ya ? '' said Stéphane opening the door : ''Guy-Manuel ? What hap...''

I just fell in his arms , crying. Like I would do it with my dad. I cried. I sobbed . I couldn't bring myself ... that... Thomas was maybe thinking of breaking up or that he hated me. Stéphane just hugged back and frowns :   
  
''Something happened with Thomas right ? '' 

I noded , only sobbing louder. 

''Come in , I have guiness and other beer.''

I walked in .

 


	18. Win and loose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to set this chapter in order to bring up the conclusion and the development to a next level.  
> Oh yeah.

Stéphane lived in a small house Norman style, although we were not  really in Normandy. A small cottage, with large colorful wooden planks alternately white and brown, and rather than  being made with hay roof like the real Norman house, the roof was made of slate shingles. The door appeared to be very old, with graying wood and black iron handle. I unceremoniously entered the little cottage; a hissing and steamy teapot was placed on a  hot antique stove, a small table made in wood logs occupied most of the space of  the dining room. The walls were old and cream colored. A small staircase was leading to an upper floor. An old futon was placed in the left corner of the room and faced a television and a very small DJ mixing space. I smiled ; I would totally lived in that tiny space house, it looked just perfect for me. Stéphane took two beer in the freezer and opened them on the table. I gladly saw there was an ashtray on the table.

''Yes you may smoke. Usually I smoke outside but I don't feel like going out really so I don't care. So tell me kid. What the hell happened ? You fucked up , don't ya ? ''

I moaned in answer , grabbing my beer and taking off a cigarette : 

''Oh . Really ... it was that bad ? ''

I dragged a puff and I breathed : 

''My ex just appeared out of no where , forced a kiss and Thomas walked in with the whole family , including her sister . He slapped me. ''

Stéphane raise an eyebrow : 

''Oh no...That's shit. ''

I wiped a tear : 

''How do I get him back.''

I looked at my beer and I chugged it all. Stéphane took out the bottle out of my hands and frowned : 

''Woah woah , easy cowboy. I dont want a hungover piece of crap at my training. Don't destroy yourself , please.  ''

I smiled : 

''Oh you care ? ''

He shook his head : 

''You think people don't care about you because you don't care about them?''

I dramatically place my hand on my heart and I joked : 

''Oh man that hurts.''

But I frowned... Of course I was cold. It was just who I was I don't care...but...

''Suddenly you care for someone and it didn't go as you though , mmm ? '' said Stéphane , completing my thought. 

''Exactly '' I murmured , with a dark tone. ''I just don't think how i'm going to do fine. The competition is coming. The end of summer is already coming . And Thomas ? I don't know if he still love me.''

''You trained hard , all summer. You have a natural talent.''

''But does that makes me a winner ? '' I muttered , staring distantly at the empty Guinness beer .

Suddenly I felt a pression on my hand: 

''No . But that makes you a warrior. ''

I frowned : 

''For me to win would be a miracle , and i'm already disappointing Thomas.''

He banged the table and I jolted , startled :

 ''But you're not disappointing me , Guy-Manuel. '' He said , raising his voice : ''Not yet. So before you give up . Let me tell you something. I can blast you every theory . Make you read books about horses day and night. That doesn't make you a good horse rider. A good horse rider listen to his heart and understand the heart of his horse to be one with him. And a good horse rider never give up. You have to believe in yourself ! Everything is possible , if you let it happen. ''

 Speechless , I looked down at the ashtray . I was glad my hair hid my tears : 

''Listen Guy-Manuel . Amanda is back . She will compete with you .And let me show you something.''

He left the kitchen room to pick up a framed picture on the wall. My sight grew dim as I recognized her blue eyes , her strong features . She was younger , standing on a horse , with a cup. I couldn't believe it. 

''MOM ? '' I almost yelled out of breathe : ''MY MOM WAS A HORSE RIDER ? ''

He looked at me : 

''Yes dear. She was the winner many years ago at the competition you are going to attend. She never told you right ? Because maybe , you never asked and because maybe your father left her just after she won. He left because she didn't wanted to have kids. She wanted to do horse riding. But after she won she got pregnant. And she gave up on it. You think you're not strong , you think you got no talent but that's not true !'' he exclaimed , giving me the framed picture.

I was overwhelmed with emotion. Suddenly , I remembered the last call I had with my mother. How she told she was so proud , how she told me to win this competition.

Win this competition for _her_.

''But how do you know all of that... why did she kept me out of this universe....'' I whispered , more and more confused .

''How do I know it ? I knew her ,she was my friend but she was in another ranch of course. Why did she kept you out of this ? Because , she is convinced that being a horse rider isn't a way to earn money properly and a safe job . I guess she kept you away because she was afraid you'd be as passionate and stubborned as her. But she didn't figured you'd actually find one way to get back to what she was so afraid . And , she's proud , despite all her wants. '' sighed Stéphane , sipping his beer.

I couldn't find a word. I just blinked. It escalated too much quickly for what my heart was able to hold emotionally . 

''There's one thing about this I want you to realize , boy.'' added Stéphane , staring at me deeply like if he could see something I couldn't see myself inside my soul , ''Life is race . Love is a competition. Loving is not enough , sometimes you have to fight and struggle to win. It's hard. But if you give up , what was the purpose of holding on ? If you can't be a winner be a fighter , and if you can't be a fighter , be a warrior . This is how you succeed Guy-Manuel.  You can loose a race and win a competition. If you hold on to what you love ! ''

I wiped my tears and he smiled sadly : 

''When you ignore  what  you truly live for , what you truly want and what you really want to do , you end up like me , regretting of not being with the love of your life and like your mother , not doing what you are made for . Don't repeat the same mistakes we did ...''

I looked at him and I whispered : 

''My mom called me the other day. She ...told me to win this race for her.''

Stéphane smiled and chuckles , a tear rolling on his cheeks :   
  
''Thats your mother. You see . She doesn't want you to give up this competition like she did...She knows you want it , and me to.''

I hugged Stéphane , and he smiled , hugging back lightly : 

''Don't give up Guy-Manuel. And hold on love. Hold on . Hold onto Thomas .''

I noded and I looked up at him : 

''I should go . I want to get enough sleep because I have training all day tomorrow .''

He raised an eyebrow : 

''All day ? ''

I walked to the door and before leaving , I looked at him , determined and ready : 

''I want to win this competition. I don't want to just win this race. ''

Stéphane eyes shone and he whispered : 

''You remind me your mother so much , Guy-Manuel. Then it's set. Be there at 5:00 , on the training field. Be ready , because the five next days will be intensive.''

I smiled : 

''Yes.'' I walked out the door and I turned back , smiling : ''Oh and thank you , Stéphane.''

Stéphane smiled and I closed the door , realizing I was still holding my mom's picture.

 


	19. I bet my life on you

The next day I was there at dawn, early morning. I saw only one thing; the competition. The mother of Thomas didn't speak to me last night , so I took the chance to not ask her if it was ok if I replaced my work with my intensive trainning with Stéphane. I guess Thomas wouldn't mind it , so he could , avoid me. Of course , dear diary , that tear me appart to even write that ! But the truth is that if I can't make it up to him , I want to make it up to my mother. She suffered just for her dreams. And more than that , I want to make it up to Crydamoure. He worked so hard and I can't give up on him. I walked in the stable and I heard Crydamoure snorting with indignation . 

''No , Crydamoure. Don't complain. We have work to do ! ''

He neighed and grumbled.

''I know it's early , but we will have no chance if we are not ready my friend.''

I opened the stall and Crydamoure pushed me with his head , right into the haystack next to his stall. I frowned : 

''You are so stubborn and arrogant sometimes ! Ugh ! ''

''Like you , am I right ? '' said a girl's voice behind me. I stood up , startled , tossing off the hay strands from my pants and looked at the ''voice''.

''A-Amanda ? '' I almost choked out , my throat suddenly dry and my blood cold as ice . ''W-What are you doing here  ? '' 

Thomas' sister  was standing there behind me in a plain jean and white t-shirt , smiling distantly at me. I feared what she had to say. I probably broked her brother into pieces now , she could never be my friend again.

(When did I considered she was one of my friend...) 

''Well you broke my mother , so I should punch you in the face.'' She sighed ''But I don't understand...why...You seemed to love him. ''

I clenched my fist : 

''Of course I love him ! But you wouldn't believe me...''

She frowned and muttered : 

''Depends ,  cowboy of Paris .Tell me.''

I sighed and I patted Crydamoure : 

''Sissy , my ex , came back to see Julian and she saw I was there . She came to tell me the typical ex speech : 'sorry I failed , I didn't meant to cheat on you , I want you back.''

''And what tell me you're not the typical fuckboy who wants to prove it's all the girl's fault , hein ? '' she hissed , frowning at me .

I stared at her  ; she was just being a good and caring  sister . I hoarsely whispered : 

''I pushed her in the bushes and I cried like a little baby. The reason why I got up early is that I want to win this cup ! For Thomas , for me , for my mother. Those are all that really matter for me.''

She sighed and walked closer to me , she grabbed my collar . Girls can be so strong and scary and Amanda, was the best example of it. If she could've kill me with her eyes , I'd be dead right away . Her voice was determined and threatening   : 

''I believe you. But i'm telling you if you mess with my brother's heart one my heart , I will cut your dick and make sushi with it .''

She pulled me off and she sighed : 

''I think my brother still love you. Simply because , even if your heart is broke , you can still love. It just hurt a bit  and obviously , it's not the right way to love. It takes time to really give up on someone but it takes one moment to get back to reality , no matter  if it hurts or not. You broke my brother in one moment , but if he loves you like I think he do , he won't give up on you. So please don't give up on him . Hold on.''

Amanda was the kind of girl that would never give up , she was a kick-ass girl . She was a warrior ; she just got back from the hospital and here she was , ready to kick my ass.But at that moment , she allowed herself to cry. She stood silent , her head fell down and I saw her shoulders shaking lightly. And , looking at her , I understood how strong she was and how beautiful she would still be in adversity. Even at her lowest she would always find a way to keep her dignity and her honour and that is what makes her so strong to me. She never give up.

''H-Hold on him Guy-Manuel. I think , I think he deserve you. I know you are a good guy , ok ? Some girls ... need attention , sometimes in the wrong way...I loved you. But I - I got over it when I saw my brother changing , becoming stronger with you . I'll always be thankful for that. '' Suddenly she raised her voice , and her burning eyes shone with determination as she exclaimed : ''So don't fail us ! Because I bet my life on you and my brother to . ''

I silently walked towards her and held her in my arms. Like I would held Paul.

Paul... I missed him...Paul , she made me think of Paul. Paul who was always be there for me . Paul who wasn't a perfect brother , but who was still my brother. I saw Amanda as my sister and my friend. A true and loyal friend I could always bet my life fearlessly and shamelessly ; because I know she'd never let me down. 

''I promise Amanda. I will fight and try to win.''

She wiped her tears and she cupped my face : 

''Don't try. Win. Win this for Thomas.'' She giggled , and gave me the reins of my horse : '' Now giddy up , cowboy. I've came to help Stephane  with your training for my brother and for you and I won't go to sleep until we progressed.''

***

 

''Arms up Guy-Manuel , slower . I SAID SLOWER. Good. Right , left , right , left .'' Stephane yelled again from the other side of the training park : '' Keep the pace , I said keep the pace ! No , that's not good. Let's do it again.''

I bit my tongue and sighed. Crydamoure and I were trying hard to have a perfect trot technique. My training was divided as how the horse trial competition would be ; first , dressage , second , obstacle jumping race and then cross country race. It was almost midday and we've only been working on the ''manner '' Crydamoure and I should get , in order to be perfect. Amanda would make comments here and there , and none of my trainer and Amanda were indulgent . I clenched the reins in annoyance and started again. 

''Stop- STOP !!! '' screamed Stephane , massaging his forehead : ''Sorry kid , but it won't just do it.''

I frowned and the words slipped from my mouth a little coldly : 

''Well I'm sorry , but Crydamoure and I have our own way to rule this . We obey to our own rules ! ''

''THAT'S IT STÉPHANE !!! '' beamed Amanda : ''Let's create a dressage choregraphy matching their own personality ! ''

I smiled : 

''I'll show them dressage can be bad-ass. I'll promise I'll work with the dressage program and I'll expose you what I created tommorrow morning ! But I have a question...''

Stephane signed : 

''Yes kid  ? ''

I smirked : 

''Can I borrow your music mixing stuff ? I'll need some sampling , to . Ah and also , I need it tonight.  ''

 ***

The rest of the training  was exhausting and painful ; if I wouldn't fell off my horse   , I would loose my balance , hurt my coccyx many time as I would bounce violently on my leather seat . The sun was hot , the air was dry ; I was thirsty , tired and panting , but I wouldn't stop. Not until I get better. So I kept jumping obstacles again and again while Stéphane howled orders and directions from the other side of the trainning park. Julian joined Thomas's sister and they both assisted Stéphane in the trainning.  Many times, I saw Julian making Amanda laugh . It looked like those were getting hooked. But then , the face of Thomas would hit me like the ground when I fall off my horse. Better not thinking about it . We spent half of the day working on obstacles jumping . And all the time , I jumped the obstacle , the bar would shake , roll or fell down. It was so frustrating and Crydamoure neighed for the hundredth time.

''Guy-Manuel , trust yourself and when you leap to jump , don't forget to stay close your reins and maintain a steady position ok ?''

I patted the head of Crydamoure and whispered : 

''We can slay that , don't we , my boy ?''

The horse shook his head and I snickered as Amanda rolled her eyes : 

''I wonder who is the more arrogant and snob ; the rider or his horse...An..''

But she couldn't complete her sentence as I trotted towards the obstacle . As it was coming closer , my sight grew dim and I bent down and kicked firmly but gently Crydamoure to gain more speed , like  Stéphane told me to. I waited the perfect moment and I shook my reins , yelling a short 'yah' and I knew at that exact second , I couldn't come back . I held my breathe but remained steady as Crydamoure stood on his back legs and leaped over the obstacles , kicking off the ground. I held on tight and bent down as Crydamoure landed on his feet .I looked back and I smiled gloriously ; the bar of the obstacle didn't move a tiny bit.

I heard cheering from the other side of the trainning park . Soon Amanda and  Julian joined me , as Stéphane looked at me proudly.

''Dude , you got it .'' beamed Julian , giving me a water fresh and cold water bottle .  
  
''Thanks Julian. '' I breathed , grabbbing the bottle : ''I feel as dry as Sahara right now. ''  

''It could've been more elegant I guess. '' simpered Amanda  , leaning on the barrier of the park as I drank deep drafts of cold water  ''But I guess you got the technique and the rest will follow.''

I threw the bottle in the garbage bin next to the stall and looked up at the Bangalter's cottage , more precisely , at Thomas' room. 

No . He wasn't spying on me , how foolish was I , to believe he would after what I've done.

I saw Julian exchanged looks with Amanda that bit her lips and cleared her throat , awkardly. I realized I wasn't alone and blushed . Nevertheless , I had the courage to ask whimperingly :

''Have he talked to you yet ? ''

Silence. Amanda placed her hand on my shoulder with a sad frown on her face ; 

''No...Although  , I saw him this morning. He was silent at breakfeast and diseapeared as soon as he finished his toasts. ''

''Maybe he needs some time alone, Guy-Manuel.''added Julian ''Let him cool off and stuff you know... One day he will move on.''

I leaned on Crydamoure's neck and my friend blew hot air off his nostrils , bending his head up and down with affection. I sighed and patted his neck , admiring his luscious  black coat . 

''I guess you're right. Come on , let's go have lunch.''

Stéphane patted my back and smiled : 

''Cheer up kid. He will come back , don't worry. You did great . Go eat. We'll continue this afternoon.''

***

We decided to sit under a big oak next to the farm with our sandwiches and bottle of water. I was looking down at nothing .

''I know you don't talk a lot but you're litterally dead right now bro.'' sighed Julian : ''Still thinking of him.''

''Well of course he is , Julian ! '' groused Amanda ''You thought he would be dancing around with butterflies ? ''

''It's not what I said ! '' protested Julian , ''It's just...''

''No its fine .'' I said bluntly , both turning to look at me : ''I must move on ... I wish I could talk to him but what can I do ? I can't force him . ''

''I can talk to him ! '' offered Amanda , her long curly hair bouncing as  she leaned on mumbling : ''He wont know its you that asked me.''

I shook my head :   
  
''Thank you Amanda. But I think we have to do it on our own . ''

Julian blinked and hesitated : 

''What if...he doesn't want to ?''

Amanda punched him in the stomache :   
  
''Shut up Julian.''

I tried to ignored the voice telling me Thomas was actually thinking that way and finished my sandwich.

***

After we finished our sandwiches , I went back to the stable to pick up Crydamoure. As I approched his stall box , I frowned . A note was pinned next to the door. I picked it up and I had no doubt of from whom it was : 

_«When you'll train for the racing , lean down and keep your elbows parallel to each other and keep your arms close to you . And always keep focussing. No matter what might happen. Always remember that people can quickly become your ennemy. You are your own rider. And the only one you can trust is your horse. »_

My voice broke into a shattered whisper as I told myself : 

''Tho..mas..W-hat...What could it possibly mean...I d-don't...''

Suddenly I heard the stable door close . I ran to it and I opened it wide .

But there was no one . 

I slipped the note in my pocket and grabbed the reins of Crydamoure , troubled.

With a graceful movement, I jumped on Crydamoure. It became so simple, not to say automatic. I guided Crydamoure to the racecourse slightly nervous. Today's training was to make a course ride as fast as possible and then go cross country, which meant that Stéphane dispatched and placed many obstacles in the paths of the forest. I will not only race down the trails, on a wild race against time, but also overcome obstacles. In short, cross country is just a race in the woods .And that's where you could get hurt. Very bad. With that anxiety came the trouble from the note of Thomas. What did he meant ? I was sure it was his writing . Ennemies ? Was it a message ? 

''Guy-Manuel , are you here ? '' 

I shook my head and looked down , Stéphane was looking at me deeply. He sighed : 

''When you're ready , we wills tart the timer . It just to prepare yourself to the cross country . ''

I noded and suddenly ...

''STOP ! ''

Stéphane frowned and looked at the direction of the voice. He frowned with anger when he saw Mr.Bangalter. No need to mention the two hated each other : 

''There's not enough competition.''

''How can you interfere Louis-Daniel .'' hissed Stéphane at Daniel who was carrying a hors behind me : 

''My ranch . My rule. You can't decide. I could fire you if I could , Stéphane.''

Stéphane smirked with hatred :  
  
''But your wife wouldn't allow it.''

My eyes widened ; that was a sick burn. Julian was speech less and Amanda was pale as a ghost ,  not knowing if she could take a stand.

But Daniel kept on :   
  


''I guess you wont mind if we split the race in two ? For two racers ? Lets keep it real , shall we Stéphane.''

Stéphane clenched his fist ; 

''What do you have in mind...''

And then . I saw who was hiding behind the horse . 

''No , dad , you're cruel you can"t...'' cried Amanda when the second racer came out. 

For myself , my heart sank into my stomache although it never beated so loud and so fast before. I couldn't breathe well. Thomas was walking along his horse , the look down and tears staining his cheeks . 

''THOMAS , YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY YES !!! '' I yelled , out of breathe : ''THOMAS , LIS-LISTEN TO ME DAMN IT.''

But Thomas jumped on his horse. And then I understood. The red mark on his cheek ...the bruise of a grip on his arm. Those wouldn't lie . He had been forced. And ...hurt .

''HOW CAN YOU BE SO PSYCHO.'' I hissed at Daniel , with no fear : ''HOW CAN YOU DO THAT TO YOUR OWN SON.''

Thomas took place next to me. I wanted to hug him. To cry . To tell him he didn't have. To tell him I loved him. To beg him to come back . He was there . But so silent . That wasn't the Thomas I used to know. What i've I done. It was all my fault. 

''Thomas... Thomas , won't you look at me. ''

Thomas shook and the only thing he said is :

''I-I can't . I'm sorry.''

And the timer started.

 


End file.
